whyy is this so hard??

hey my name's hajar ... omg i don't know what i want to write right now is the first time the first time becaause i really feel hopeless i need to say that

in this moment i listen to let me down-jorja smith i love this music it give me power to write this

so today is 13 february yees the day before saint valentine today my boyfirend or the person who supossed to love more than anything he left me he left me in the worse days in my life you knoow why? he said he want to protect mee but he didn't he thought if we break up we can save this worse moment we live
indeed, i live in small city , people here are so wild
yesterday i meet with him and something unexpected happened as i said it's a wild world i didn't think this would end our relationship it waas greaat and we were so confident to stay togheter he swore to me he didn't leave me
it hurt so bad i can't do nothing
i just want the pain to be gone ..
why am i getting so emotional like nothing is happened
all i want to be with him i love him more than anything i can't kep going without him i can't okey? it's hard .
i'm so f*cking sick of this world
he's not the first one who hurt me
idrissi: I considered him more than my older brother and one day he wanted to rape me with strength
taha: this one was my best friend and he went to my boyfriend he told him i'm just a slut and must to leave me
.... the are a lot of them and don't want to impress them
i just wanted to save the people who i love but how can i do and all them hurt me
how can i save the other people when i'm not even alive
i'm so sorry
i tried to be strong i sweaar i tried