I hate seeing things that I don't want to see. Things that hurt me. Things I try my hardest to avoid. Things that don't let me forget I am in pain. Things that I can't control. I see you everywhere. I see you in pictures, on social media, in other people, in my dreams. That's probably the hardest form of you. Because I'm not even conscious yet you appear to me every single night and dream. They are very bad dreams. Bad because they're so happy. They are illusions of what I want us to be. What we could've been. And it pains me so much to wake up and not have you be there for me.
I hate that you're all I can think about. You're on my mind 24/7. All I can think about is how I felt when I was with you. I think about all our thousands of memories together and it's brings back all the feelings of being with you. I can't even imagine I'll find that feeling with anyone else but you. I know you don't care about me and you're probably relieved to not be with me anymore. You don't think about me the way I do. And that's probably the hardest thing to handle. Because at one point I was your life. Your happiness. And now someone else is. And you care for her more than you ever did for me. I hope she can love you as much as I do. And I know I didn't appreciate when we were together but I hope she appreciates you as much as you deserve.
Getting your heart broken by a boy is one of the worst things your mind can go through. Because I'm no longer who I used to be. I used to be so happy and full of life and an over all better person. Now I'm just an empty vessel who's just going through the motions. I feel nothing but sadness. I was my best version of me when I was with you. Now I'm so lost and sad and angry at the world. Im grieving the version of you that loved me so unconditionally. Because that person no longer exists. And Im not doing very well at handling it. Part of me thinks you're going to come back to me. And part of me knows you won't. But I want you to. Holding on to that sliver of false hope is what's killing me. But I'm not sure how to let go. Or if I ever will. Because even if I meet someone new, I will be looking for you in them. And no one could ever replace you.