Surprisingly it wasn't weird between us two.
Although I wanted to break up with him a few days ago.
Everything was normal just like ever.
Nothing changed.
And when I say nothing.
I really mean nothing.
All the words I said to him.
They all seemd to me like I never said them because he doesn't give a fuck.
He just lives the way he lived before.
He knows that I don't like the situation that we're in now but he dosen't make an effort to change something.
For me it wasn't something that I wanted.
As more time passed by I started to think that I don't want a boyfriend.
Weird what?
I always wanted to be loved by someone but the peron whom I thought is the love of my life just convinced me that I don't want a relationship.
Maybe i'm made for being a loner.
Maybe I should just get back to the way I lived before.
I wanted to break up.
I really wanted this.
But I couldn't bare to upset him again.
So I stayed with him.
Although I wasn't happy anymore.
The more I think about it now.
I guess I never was happy with him.
I just thought that I was.
And that made me believe I was.
Months passed and I tried to get along well with the situation more and more from day to day.
One day we were at this house from his best friend.
There where he lies now.
He went to the bathroom and I had his phone in my hand.
I don't know I always have his phone but I never thought about looking into his chats.
I realozed on this day that I should have done this.
Cause some seconds after he left a message popt up.
It was his uncle.
I didn't thought about something bad when this message popt up but I don't know this uncle always seemed somehow weird to me.
Everytime I was with my boyfriend and they wanted to meet up for a sec cause he always gave my boyfriend money.
He said to him that he shouldn't bring me with him cause he doesn't wants to see me.
I've never seen this uncle and that felt a bit weird.
So I decided to read this messages.
It would have been better If I just stayed without reading them.
The text messages were clearly not text messages that a uncle would send his nephew.
It seemed like they had some sort of an relationship.
I thought about it and in my mind popped up a scenario from 3 weeks ago.
I was drunk that night and a friend of mine came to me and asked me if there is a chance that my boyfriend is somehow a bit gay.,
I didn't think about that because he also was drunk and I thought he is just messing with me.
But the more I think about it now and compare this text messages with what this friend said the more it makes sense.
I locked his phone and placed it on her bed.
I said that my mom called me and I have to leave when he came back.
He asked if somethings wrong.
I said to him that everything is fine and left then.
I don't know.
My stomach felt as if I'm going to throw up and I also had some sort of an headache.
As I came home I thought about what I should do now.
I couldn't come up with an answer.
I also couldn't sleep.
I decided to confront him with everything the next day and I would see what he has to say to this situation and to this text messages.