me and this girl, well we don't talk much anymore. but her face will always be the one that i adore.
dedicated to my ex girlfriend, natalie.
- may

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girl, alternative, and dark image

i think 3am is when i think of you the most. i think of your smile, & i think about your laugh. i think about your lies and i think about my despise for you.

when i was with you i was never home, i was like an unwanted spirit wandering your hallways as you paid me no mind. but something inside of me told me to hold on just a little longer. and that you were worth fighting for. and so that i did. i held on. till it drove me miserable.

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girl, grunge, and sky image

normally when somebody misses the one they lost, they only think about the good moments that were shared and are blinded by the main reason you lost them in the first place. you'll stare out at the rain and think about the time you first kissed them. but you'll forget how they kissed somebody else under the same storm.

but i think of you while i stare at the ceiling and think about all the bad things. your lies, your lack of affection, everything bad. and i still fucking miss you. i miss the good too i suppose, but the bad always draws me closer because it's so real. i hate fantasizing, i hate the plastic moments. and you were so tender, so real that it's so hard to think about the "good." you were never perfect, but you were always enough. and the sad thing is, you just wanted more. you wanted it so eagerly that you seemed to forget that i had lost you trying to keep up.

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sad and tumblr image

i guess what i'm trying to get across, is that i'll never begin to understand you. and why you did the things you did. i understand i was no saint either, and that i distanced myself instead of talking to you, but how could i?

you've moved on, it's quite obvious you have. i'm genuinely happy for you, just not for me. i get myself into this false reality and start to miss you so much that i almost pick up my phone and call you, but i don't. because the same voice who had once told me to hold on and fight for you, now screams to let you go. one night i'll be able to sleep without you being the last thought on my mind. and one night, you'll start to think of me and how i was one of a kind.

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Image removed

and now, a poem.

promise me
you'll be fine
without me there
to love her unconditionally
and show her so much care
on the gloomy nights
call her up
let her know whats on your mind
she cares
and she can't bear
when you make her feel so scared
just think twice
in those big fights
let her know she's the only one
cause there's a ton
and plenty of
other girls out there.