I don't know if it's because you came into my life during a really dark time or if it's because we're just so different from one another, but either way, I wasn't able to let you in. Not really, anyway.

I tried to.

For a while, actually, I convinced myself that a relationship with you was something I wanted. I overlooked the fact that when we kissed I felt nothing, and I ignored my lack of excitement whenever we were together. In the beginning, I did this because—I can't believe I'm even about to say this—but because I was using you. That sounds so bad, and it is. I knew that you had at one point been friends with the boy who broke my heart, so in some ways I guess I thought I could get back at him by being with you. I thought it would hurt him to see us together. Eventually, though, what we had turned into something more than a revenge tactic. I started to care for you, and I saw that you started to care for me, too. And so I continued to let myself believe that I wanted a relationship with you because I knew that you wanted one with me and I didn't want to hurt your feelings. That was wrong of me, I know. You didn't deserve to be led on like that. Instead, you deserved my honesty, which you finally got yesterday...

You handled it well. Far better than I expected. You told me you understood, and that it was alright. You just wished that I had told you a long time ago because you felt led on. And what you said after that I was expecting, but what I wasn't expecting was how hurt and crushed by it I'd feel. You said: "I'm fine with being friends, but just so you know there's going to be some distance between us from now on. Also, I don't think we should hang out for awhile because I'm going to need time to adjust." I started crying right then and there.

My feelings for you are complicated, to say the least. You were there for me when others weren't. You made me laugh, and you brought a smile to my face. You allowed me to be myself. You praised me and let me know that I was desired. You listened to me and made sure to always ask how my day had gone. You gave me confidence. You were the absolute sweetest to me, and I think that's why I'm so sad. I wish I could give you what you want—what you deserve, but for some reason, I can't. And for that, I'm sorry.

But know this, I do care for you. That part wasn't a lie. I will continue to be there for you. I will continue to support your dreams. I will continue to read funny tweets on Twitter and think of you. I will continue to keep in touch and see how you're doing. I will do these things because that is the only way I can love you. I can't love you the way you want me to, but I can love you in these ways and that is exactly what I'll do.