Being an ex doesn´t hurt as much as being ex almost something, that hurts like sh*t.

Dear you:
As you know, our story is pretty easy:

  • First, we met, you became my crush.

You were kind, optimistic, hilarious, innocent but mature, talented, curious, and full of dreams. You were the prettiest and the most amazing crush I´ve had in my entire life.

  • I talked to you about my feelings, and your answer was pretty acceptable.
  • We coincide on a situation and we got friends in common.
  • We became friends, we connected and we flirted.

Everyone thought that we had a thing for each other, and judging by our looks, I´ll like to believe we did. You and I connected so perfectly: We were so alike but at the same time so different...

gif, lily collins, and logan lerman image
  • We gout used to talk (maybe a lot), we told our feelings with our looks, we hugged like there was no tomorrow.

Every time that I looked into your eyes, I would die inside. You were amazing, and you were looking at me (How?) My heart went crazy, my happiness increased, but at the same time, you made me feel so calm, so at home.

love, gif, and stars image
And every time you used to hug me, I felt safe. I felt protected from every single pain in the world, because I had you. I felt every single peace of my heart recovering. I felt you fixing me.

You made me, the girl full of words, speechless. I swear I´ve never been as happy as those days. I believed, for the first time in many years, that maybe, everything would end in a happily ever after. That I´ve found the one I could truly fall for.

  • But we never kissed. And when vacations came, we just stopped talking.
  • You said I love you when we said goodbye.

Even though I said I love you too, I didn´t think that you actually meant it. I realized that we never really talked about our feelings. Why? I don´t know. But, if you´re into someone, and you want him/her in your life, you don´t let go that easily, don´t you?

gif, girl, and night image

I tried to talk several times. But our conversations weren´t the same. They were just boring and cold. It looked like you didn´t want to talk to me. And, honey, I always get the signal at the first moment.

As a person that have been hurt many times, I was so angry at myself. How could I have been that stupid? How could I have waited something from you, when you actually never said anything? I lowered my guard and I broke my rules for you, we didn´t deserve that ridiculous ending. I shutted down my feelings, I forced myself to be colder with you, to get over you, and I swore I wasn´t going to think about you again.

  • And now, we coincide on a situation, again. And this time, our friends aren´t there to protect us from each other. Instead, they are expecting for us to still be friends. And, as the stupid teenagers we are, we decided to do it. But it isn´t right.

It is awkward. We don´t know how to talk, how to look at each other without looking directly to the eyes, or to coexist. I realized you are as surprised as I was with the way everything ended and how everything changed.

black&white, cuddle, and feelings image
I can see we both have questions and things to say. We want to hug each other so we could feel protected again.

But we won´t. Ever. Because we are not anything anymore. Time broke us, and we are just ex almost something.

And I don´t know how I´m going live with this (maybe you do, idk). When I´m close to you, the words I´m keeping to myself slowly suffocate me. I feel a physical need to see your eyes, feel you, feel alive and complete again. And it´s stupid, because it just happens when you´re close.

Maybe it´s just on my mind, maybe you don´t even think about me (maybe you never did).

But, dear you, I think I´m love with you. And you will never know it. Probably it´s better that way.

Inspired on my last love experience and the upcoming Valentine´s Day.