Today I ran into you.
I cursed under my breath when I spotted your grey sweater.
We made eye contact.
The smile you gave me seemed to reach your eyes.
You asked how I was doing like you meant it.
Everything was as simple and short as this sentence.

However,in the breath of my curse,and the shallowness of my smile,and in whatever look I gave you,nothing was simple.In my head,where I hope you can't reach like you have done before,my thoughts were complicated like this paragraph I wish I'd never written.

Gently carried within my wish to never see you again,is a confusing desire to run into you on some unnamed street.Behind what I hoped was a composed greeting,my all kinds of wishes and desires were unleashed and mixed together and before I knew,the moment was gone again and nothing was left.

When I lost sight of you I released a deep breath and rolled my eyes;you
shouldn't be so at ease whilst my brain is churning in contradictory thoughts.You should be the bad guy who broke my heart and now ignores me,or the guy who regrets losing me and cannot look me in the eyes.Instead,you are the guy who regrets nothing.

Hating you became harder today,and it is now as hard as adoring you.In a state where I can do neither,I choose to do both and return your smiles with the hope that you will see how mine never really reach my eyes.

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