hi :) this is a little weird for me to make because is my first article and it talks about my feelings. Hope you enjoy this even though it's too much information.

Maybe I wasn’t good enough for him. I mean I know I did pretty bad things, maybe apologizing isn’t what he wants. Maybe I should kill myself so he’d be happy. I don’t even know what to do now, this is just so confusing. I want him back, and I want him to stop thinking that I’m a monster and all I wanted when we were together was just make him feel like shit.
Everything started when I broke up with another guy, he was my friend. We started talking because he had to sit behind me in class… He was always there for me, and I felt like I had that friend who doesn’t care if you don’t talk to him in like a month, he’s always going to be there for you. When I broke up with the other guy, I was so sad that I couldn’t stop crying at school. I remember one time that he saw me crying and he sat next to me to try to make me feel happy. It worked so well that I fell in love instantly, it caused a lot of problems because my friend liked him as well and she thought that I stooled him from her or something like that.
Summer came, we were so close to each other that we used to talk every day, we had some problems because sometimes it was awkward to talk knowing that we liked each other, but we got over them really fast, it was one of the cutest summers I’ve had in my life.
School finally started and we were a little happy because we could see each other again. It was awkward, talking to your crush is so fucking difficult, I didn’t know that, it was the first time that something like that happens to me, and when I realized that, I thought: wow, I really really like him.
I remember that some disasters hit my country so school was cancelled for like a week. We both got a little sick so we used to send audio messages with our weird voices, it was actually cue for me, idk I’m really weird. Oh and before that, a friend of us made us kiss, I literally died.
My birthday party arrived, never forget that April 29th, 2017. He asked me to be his girlfriend and I obviously said yes. For my birthday he got me a framed collage with pics of the sky because he knew how much I loved it. I was just the happiest person in this planet.
We were really happy for like three months until some problems hit our relationship like a bullet. I was with an angry ass mood every fucking day that I couldn’t control, I just couldn’t be okay, I really don’t know why that happened to me, I’m starting to think that 2017 was stressful because of school… I really don´t know.
When we got to the 7th month of relationship, it was just horrible, he broke up with me because he said that he didn´t wanted to be with such a toxic person. I begged him to stay with me, I promised that I was going to change and be a better person. We got back together for like two days. The last day of school was the day he broke up with me for the second time, we were hugging and saying pretty things to each other, which makes it a lot more confusing. When school ended that day, he messaged me saying: I miss you so much, but I know you don’t want to get back together with me anymore, I don’t know what was I thinking when I did that in the morning. I was so in love with him that I instantly came back with him.
We were together for a month after that, the saddest month in my life. He wasn’t like before, he didn´t even talk to me, he didn’t show any interest, and it was just fucked up. On January 3rd, 2018 we broke up again. I was hoping that we get back together but that didn´t happen. I begged him with all my life but he just hates me and blames me for everything. I’ve never been this sad for a person, he was my everything and thinks that I was a monster and I ever cared of him.
Now I really don’t know what to do, I need him so bad with me even though he has treated me like shit since we break up. I just want my supportive best friend back, the one who was perfect for me.
I just want him back.