Can You Imagine wanting to die everyday for 24 years around the clock; being so sick you become catatonic eventually, at last? . But then, A MIRACLE OCCURS and you became extremely excellent overnight and can cry off and on out of joy for a month. Forgetting how to smile is also an amazing one to lose but when you are not depressed anymore and when that chemical imbalance is Masked and your depression dissipate; You will again complain, but, the complaining is about your cheeks hurting so much from that thing called smiling which you Literally Forget how to do.
I want that again! Dear God.
= I did do a lot of things in the 18 months I spent not depressed and pain-free from the Ketamine infusion therapy that I can no longer afford. This treatment is the reason I have made a crowd funding page. To pay for it.
this is my last resort to get the treatments started again
I Am trying to Transcend My Clinical Depression, to subdue my multiple sclerosis symptoms while always praying that God vanquishes my pain.. or just long enough for me to exist in longer stretches of time without crying or moaning and hopefully exist some extra minutes in a much more pleasant way then I exist at anytime now.

I need /want to feel like I can work long enough to type at least a few pages, read, shower, eat...just the BASICS.
Now, i make videos and many more things i do to occupy myself..
I'm Not linking the crowdfunding site on here because I might embarass some folks but... I wanted to say what it is like having everything a person needs, being talented and being totally spoiled in your existence but still feel for your very core like there is nothing here worth staying alive for.

Ketamine infusion therapy was the only thing that I have had in my years of depression that made me not depressed for an entire year. I than ran out of money. The cost of the treatments are $520. I need six at first and then one every month as maintenance. To those suffering from depression, relief is invaluable and in my case necessary. my depression is severe and I have to have these to live, exist, and experience life as a functioning role in society.
The depression is literally killing me. Thank you for your care and support.