I always wanted to “live in the moment” because overthinking, worrying and dumb mistakes just wasn’t for me. At least that’s what I thought until I met you. All these things that I thought wasn’t for me were the only things I was I managed to do.

I fell for you but I lived in denial, afraid to face the truth. Sometimes I wish that I could go back in time and tell you all the things you needed to know before breaking me apart.

I should’ve told you how easily I cry. I could cry watching a movie or listen to a sad song, even a regular day I feel like crying. I cry when I talk about things that hurt me.

I should’ve told you how afraid I am of being alone because that makes me feel dead on the inside. It’s like everything just goes on without noticing me while I’m alone, suffocating.

I should’ve told you about how much I care about others and that I’ll put everyone before me, at all times. I care about your health and I care about your happiness. I care about you even if you break me all over again.

And you should’ve known that when I love, I love hard. I love with all my heart and I will always try to make others love the ones that I love and see the good things in them.

Should’ve told you how easily I get hurt. I may forgive but trust me, I never forget. I’m still hurting over things that happened a long time ago and some things that hurt me will make me hurt others unaware.

I hate myself. You can fill me with compliments but that won’t change a thing because there are so many people that complimented me in every way possible, making me feel happy, but still, they left. That makes me hate myself because it’s something with me that others can’t stand, and it’s nothing good. I’m afraid of you leaving.

I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry for wasting your time. Sorry for apologizing for something that I didn't do. Sorry for caring so much. Sorry I wasn't what you wanted. Sorry for trying to love me. So fucking sorry for existing.
Love,
The One That Was There When No One Was.