I see my friends, the people around me, they soar in beautiful colours, they all are ablaze. I see the fiery red, bright orange, positive yellow, the calming blue, the purple which reminds me of the beautiful lilac, the green that looks so fresh as ever, the pink that can put a smile on anyone's face, so many vibrant colours circling around these people,

and there's me

My world consists of two colours: Black and White

Black, it represents darkness, loneliness, fear and permanent.
I'm constantly stuck in the fate of loneliness and fear. They engulf me. I fought to get out of it, I fought the darkness that tries to cover me up, I kept telling myself "hey, it's okay, it's fine. you'll get out of this one day. it's only temporary" of course, those were simply just words to provide comfort. I fought for years, to get out of that darkness, that hole which was pitch black, I finally got out. But that doesn't mean that I'm free. That battle left a scar, a mark that is dark, a mark that can never be erased, it will always be there, It's permanent.

As I finally got out of 'black', I subconsciously enter the world of 'white'

White, it represents simplicity, balance, sanity and emptiness. White, it's endless. The emptiness, it's infinite. It contrasts the darkness that 'black' gives off. White, it seems so bright, it provides the sparkle that everyone needs, it blends well with the other colours to create even lighter and brighter colours. That is its role.
As a child, I love painting. White is always the first colour to run out. I constantly have to get new tubes of white paint from the craft store. Why? Because it's the colour that is being used the most. White provides the shine and need which helps satisfy others. The curtains, the tables, the walls or even just a piece of paper, they are just there.
And people need them, they are always just right there for the people.
You see, I will always be there for those around me and I hope that they know that they do have someone.
Your colour may start to darken, it may become dull, but I promise, I will always be there to help brighten you up. From gloomy dark blue to a beautiful sky blue, from a nasty green to an adorable mint colour. I promise, I'm more than willing to do that for you. I'll do anything to bring smiles and waves of laughter back, even if it's something stupid. I can be White. I am White, constantly trying to blend in, constantly trying to bring joy to others, constantly trying to brighten the other colours.

That's the exterior.

Inside, it's nothing but emptiness. She brought happiness to others but she forgot about herself. She's trying to retain her sanity in this emptiness, it's killing her. It was no different from Black, they were both equally lonely. The only difference was, in white, she sees hope.

She hopes that someone will see through her, provide her with vibrant colours. Someone who can colour this plain white canvas, someone to fill her up.
She hopes that someone can just colour her with anything before she starts turning grey, before her sparkles start to dull before she returns to black.

She hates black. She barely fought her way out. Hell no she's going back. She's struggling not to turn grey, to stay white, to do as much as possible for the other colours.

But you'll never know when she'll get sick and tired, when she'll just give up and let herself turn grey, let herself be black again.

"hold out your hand, colour me like that red sunset, so I won't lose myself"
- Colours (Day6)

06.02.18