I feel like some might judge me after I say this, but I honestly did not mean to do this. ( Or what if I did?) Ok. so this is the second time this happened. I cheated on my boyfriend two times, with the same guy. ( I hope he doesn't find out). Me and my boyfriend have been together for a little over a year now, so I don't understand why I'm constantly doing this to him. I love him with all my heart, but when it comes to that other guy, I just cant say no. ( or maybe I don't want to). The guy that I cheated on him with is the guy that took my virginity my junior year of high school. Ever since then a part of me has always been attached to him. ( yeah my vagina is what's attached smh). But, senior year of high school is when I got into a relationship with my current boyfriend. I was so in love with him and I made a promise to not treat him how my exes treated me. ( Yeah that promise only lasted until prom night) .

When I saw the guy that took my virginity at prom ( lets call him Ant). When I saw Ant at prom, I realized that nothing will ever be the same, especially after graduation. I knew that I probably wouldn't ever see him again, and for a moment I didn't care. But then I thought about everything that me and him has been through ( Good and Bad... Mostly Bad), and I didn't want to let that go.

After graduation I told myself to forget about him because I have a loving boyfriend. And I did, I did forget about him up until Ant started calling me again. Around the end of May, the day before me and my boyfriends 6 month anniversary, me and Ant had sex. And it felt so good. All of the old feelings resurfaced. For a while I had forgotten about my boyfriend. Until I saw him the next day. Omg the next day I felt so horrible. I couldn't believe I cheated on him. I promised myself I would forget it and Ant and never cheat again. Until recently...

A few days before my birthday, which is January 17th. ( Yassss I'm finally 19). Lol but back to what happened. A few days before my birthday, I let Ant come over because I really needed some birthday D, and my boyfriend was unavailable. So Ant came over and we had sex. Sadly he came too fast ( and on my butt cheek) so I'm like wtf I would've been better off using my fingers. (TBH). bad thing about it is that we didn't use protection. ( wtf summer are you crazy)... Then, few days after that me and my boyfriend had sex five times in one day without using protection.

My period didn't come the day it was supposed to and I was so scared. What if I was pregnant, I wouldn't even know who the baby father would be. Omg I was soo terrified of what would happen. Luckily my period came at the end of the month, and ever since then I vowed to not cheat any more, and if I do, use a condom. ( although I cheated multiple times, that doesn't take away from the love I have for my boyfriend, I just have problems.

Thanks for reading!!