So I realise a lot of people get writer's block. I understand the pain these people go through because for a long while now, I have a struggled to write again. I find it very difficult to express myself sometimes and that's why it is sometimes so hard for me to write. The best written pieces are pieces that have been based on a true story or the writer's experience is used.
I don't open up much to people. Some people see that as a problem while others don't. All I can say for certain is I'm sorry if you feel that way but I can't see myself changing anytime soon.
I want to start writing again because it calms me down. I am known to have a bad humour sometimes. It's gotten a lot better in the last two years but I just can't control it completely. I know it's gotten better because I am very grateful for the amazing friends I have and all the new people I meet nowadays think I am a very passive and chilled person. I know I sometimes I hurt people but I get angry or upset when I don't feel heard or when people just misunderstand what I am trying to tell them. It also upsets me greatly when people don't try to understand where I'm coming from.

Confession: I am not close to my parents at all. I don't mean that in the usual every-teen-struggles-to-get-along-with-their-parents; I mean that I am way past that age where I just feel misunderstood, but I am not close to them at all. We never really talk about stuff or anything. I mostly just stay at home alone while my mother works a full day job. I don't know much about my mother's life as she never shares anything about it or anything that happened in the past. I blow up quite a lot when I'm around her; it feels like I'm talking to a brick wall and nothing I say ever gets through. She won't even turn around to look me in the eye or acknowledge that I even said anything and that upsets me a lot, it's usually around then that I just blow up and get emotional. I hate feeling like that. I just wish I could care less. I am often reminded how unprepared I am for the "real world". I feel completely useless and I don't feel strong enough to try anymore.

This year I am heading to the UK to live with my dad for the year. I am supposed to get some job experience and figure out what I want to study. To be honest, I have no idea how I am going to do anything like that.
I don't think I'll make it through the year. He has a temper and always takes things to literal. He thinks I'm upset most of the time (which I really am not until he keeps asking me what's wrong) and then he just blows up. Most of the time I don't even know why. Some people might find it strange how I know nothing about my parents really, but you also have to understand that for me it feels normal: I grew up like this and that's probably why it doesn't normally bother me that much.

One more thing, I realise I am very fortunate in life but it makes me scared that I can't handle anything difficult in life. Please don't mistake my rant as me being ungrateful. I am grateful that both my parents are still alive even though they are not together. In fact them not being together has given me more great opportunities than most people my age have seen.

So after you've read through that whole rant/vent/confession-whatever, it brings me to my point. I'm more upset now than I've been in a whole while and I finally got the nerve to write an article again. I've heard how the best articles are good just because the person felt emotional. I can attest to that; thought this may not be a good article or anything it is certainly an article I wanted to write. I just wanted to say it's true: the most sincere writing is when it comes from the heart. When you feel something so big inside of you and you just have to pen it down (or type it down - whatever floats your boat).

Lastly I just wanted to apologise about how inconsistent this article is and how all-over-the-place it must feel. I just felt like lettting it out for now, but I probably won't be going over it again just to smooth it out.

Hope everyone is having a good time, if you're up in the north that you don't feel like winter has overstayed it's welcome, and if you're in the south I know you want winter to come, just hang in there, it's almost here.

If you feel like you might want to check out my other article please check it out

Also the cover image is a photo I took while we travelled to Zambia in 2015