Isn't it funny how you though your life would turn out and that something that only took a matter of minutes could turn your whole life upside down.

She was a happy girl who had the most awesome bestfriends in the world but she couldn't see it at the time. Yes, she got into trouble with them, yes maybe she didn't make the best choices with them but the most important thing is, well is she had the best laughs with them.
Id like to think that people just drift apart for a reason. Maybe they weren't meant to be together in any way. But that can't be it right? Something caused her to drift apart from one of the few people she cared about.
She used to think about it all the time. She tried to blame other people. But the only person she could blame was herself. She was the person who held the whole thing together. It was all in her hands and she let if fall. She let it crash. She let it break.
At the time she didn't think much of it because she wouldn't have to worry about anyone else she would be done. She would be gone. Away from everything that made her a bad person. She wouldn't have to face the fact that the people around her would fall apart too.
The problem was is that she is still here. And she has to deal with the fact that she tore peoples lives apart. People she cared about. She would have to deal with the fact that she fucked up...
God only knows how bad she wants to turn back time if she could. To do it all over again. To make the right choices. To make sure that her friends would be okay.
But that's all over she can't do anything. She can't turn back. She stuck with the constant reminders of the times they used to have. She can't even drive past certain places they made memories at because it only brings tears to her eyes.
She has to stay in the present, not only that but she still has to live it. Live with the constant reminders that she had fucked up.
She sees pictures, drawings, little things from the past 5 years and it sucks. But she deserves it she is the one who messed up. She is the one who did something that she could never forget.
Not only that but she has to live with the fact that these people. The people she would do anything for, think that she isn't who she said she was and didn't do what she said she did.
But really she doesn't feel bad for herself. She hates herself for the thinks she has done. She hates herself so much that it physically hurts to think about it so she pushes it all away. She knows she fucked up.
She doesn't feel bad for herself but for the people around her. Because they are the ones who got affected by what she had done. She feels bad because they had to meet her. She feels bad because she knows that if she would have never gone into their life. They could be happy and that is all she wants. Is for them to be happy.
OH DEAR GOD, SHE FUCKED UP.