Hey you.

I want you all to just read the whole article, this might help some of you guys. And if you're not affected you should still read, because it might help you understand others, or let you see that you do bad to some people.

This is about mental illness, and before I say anything, I just want to declare, that I'm not a doctor or a psychologist. This article contains personal experince and personal opinions. Don't be offended.

Well it's time to get deep...

So if you don't know me, I'm a really loud, energetic and honest person. By honest I don't mean rude or mean. I stay away from drama as good as possible. But this hasn't always been the case.
If i look back a couples years, I realize how depressed I was. Let me explain real quick:

I always had some self esteem issues but as I grew older they seemed to get worse.
There was a point in my life where people used to mock me. I felt worse everyday, till i realized that the extent of "mocking" came to a point where you couldn't call it mocking anymore. I was a victim of Mobbing.
And what's worse, my bullies were those people I used to call my friends.
I just couldn't understand why they would do such thing to me. And to be fully honest, I still wonder sometimes. So the fact that I was taught, that I wasn't good enough lead me to a point where I believed it myself.
And that was the time in my Life where I had my first acquaintance with depression.

And this is what I want to talk aboout today.

I used to suffer from a depression for a little more than 2 years, but it never got to the point where I was suicidal.
So for people who've never been depressed or who have not suffered from mental illness, please keep on reading because that topic is very important.

At that time I felt horrible... I felt like every bad thing that had ever happend to me, was my own fault. And honey I don't want anyone to feel that way, regardless who you are ( I wouldn't even want my bullies to feel that horrible ).
I remember being in the school' bathroom crying every break. Feeling worthless, feeling so f*cking lonely. And I can tell you, as soon as I arrived at home I would go to bed and cry.
I was constantly crying but I made sure, that my bullies wouldn't notice. I didn't want them to see, that they made me weak. I wasn't ready to get them the satisfaction and approval of what they made of me.
And that for sure changed me forever.
It was so unhealthy and I can bet that at least one person who's reading this, has been through the same, or is actually going through that at the very moment.
Let me tell you, all I wanted to do was sleep.
Because sleeping is like being dead without actually hurting anyone.

You feel like screaming, but your voice is gone.
You feel like dying but, being immortal.
You feel so full of emotions, but empty.
You feel like crying for help, but nobody is listening.
You feel surrounded by so many people, but still so increadibly lonely.

But in the end all I can tell you, is that it will get better.

And I'm really NOT out here tryna sound like those damn tumblr and insta posts.
No...Because I know how it feels to suffer from mental illness. Actually three years after overcoming my depression I suffered from anxiety, but I pushed through. And you can and will too, because all I want to tell you is, that you are not alone. Eventhough that's how it seems, you are not.
There are so many other people out there in the world who go through their day crying, not eating, being scared, having mood changes, not able to focus and so on.
And you are so damn strong. Because people don't know how hard it is.Literally everything is a100x harder.
Getting up in the morning, eating, brushing your hair and teeth, taking the force to get dressed and see those, who make you feel like literal crap. That is so f*cking hard to do and you honey, yes you, you can be so proud.
They make you feel like you should be ashamed of yourself for your feelings, eventhough it's them who make you like that. It's them boo. Don't you ever forget that, they should be ashamed. Not you.

I want you to know that there are people out here, who acknowledge mental illness and you are not the only one fighting it.

You are enough and you do not have to change for other people. You simply don't.
Not even your family or friends, because as you could read, those were the ones who killed a part of me. And that part, for sure, will never come back, but that's okay. I found and I reinvented myself after years of not being here. But I finally am, and so will you.

I really believe in you, because in the end, everything you pushed through will make you stronger. It'll define your personality in some ways and that is what's great after overcoming a bad thing.
You get a price: Experince, and nobody can take the experince that made you stronger.

It's yours and you decide what you make out of it.

I hope you get my point, and if you ever want to talk, don't be afraid to dm me.

Hella Love


*the Picture isn't mine