I am dead.
This is what actual REAL death IS.
TO be alive but never to FEEL ALIVE.
TO live for years and not be fullfilled.
To be and be continuously unenergized, drowsy, full of thoughts, never ending ups and downs nigga, unconscious of your true self and your purpose
WHAT.
IS.
THIS.

THIS my fellow humans is the REAL meaning and experience of death.

Even now I can feel that it is ok and my soul rejoices in me being CONSCIOUS of this LIVING EXPERIENCE OF DEATH. !!!YYAAYYZERZZZ!!!!

We can only experience death whilst still within physical form because at our transition into nonphysical our consciousness(life) continues. I had a near "transition into nonphysical" experience two days ago with drugs.

Furthermore, in this specific case of death

I am aware of the part of me that literally NEEDS TO FEEL and another part of my ego that doesnt EVER want to feel.

NOT fun.

Its hard because the part of my Ego that DOESNT want to feel feels like its DYING once I do feel which is an interesting and hilarious paradox.

I have no choice but to get over it at this point and to dissolve my ego by realizing myself.

My guilty conscience is aware of my expansion and knows that this is not how its supposed to be and its my fault bc I create my reality and its my responsibility to change it.

Well good.

Its a good thing. Because if its my fault then thats good.

Buh-cuz

If I got here by living these 18 years unconsciously creating my reality then I can become conscious and be free.

Bitch.