It's 7:26pm and I'm reading a book, when all of a sudden a certain sentence catches my eye.

"It's hard to watch you wait around for something that'll never happen because he's too self centred to notice what's right in front of him"

And as soon as my brain registers those words, and the strong meaning behind them, I get flooded with mental images of... you. Of your lopsided grin, of your insane blue eyes that seemed to sparkle whenever you made eye contact with someone, and your deep, hearty laugh that instantly made me smile.

I hate that, even after so long, I can't seem to erase you from my brain. From my life. Why do you obtain that power over me?

Why can't I just wake up one day, and forget that you and I ever met.

Why can't I just meet someone, and have my mind not instantly start comparing them to you?

Why are you always that one thought that lingers at the back of my mind? Why can't you be replaced?

Why can't I forget you as easily as you forgot me?

These are the questions that I'm always thinking about, no matter the time. At 3am when all I can do is read our old messages and cry.

At 10am when I'm going for my morning walk and a person walks by with the same hair colour as you, and my heart stops because for a mere second, I think it's you. That you've come back.

Even at 5pm when I'm supposed to be talking with my family over dinner, but all I can think of is your voice, and how I'll never hear it say my name again.

I wish that I could say that I hate you, but I can't. Not as easily as others can. If anything, I miss you.

I miss your smile and your laugh and the way your eyes twinkle when the sun hits them and the way you'd tease me and tell me jokes and hug me and your cologne. Oh boy, that cologne that smelled so, so, so nice. I miss you as a whole, not just parts.

I miss you _____.

I fucking miss you, and it's breaking my heart knowing that you don't miss me.

Not once. Not a little bit. Not even at all.

- N.S