Hi, future Ella.

How are you? What are you doing right now?

I'm in Shaoul right now, and my god I hate it. We just started wRite of Passage. How did that go? I hope it was okay.

I'm friends with some people right now, but I feel like I don't really fit in a place at the moment. I'm bouncing back and forth, and I'm finding out that I can't trust as many people as I thought I could. I'll list off my friends for you, so you get an idea of where I'm at in my life. Or, you're life. That's weird.

Close friends as of Jan. 30th, 2018:
Isa D.
Sally M.
Max K.
Emma P.
Jack K.
Sookie D.
Alex S.
Lucas (Sacul) P.
Cella C.
Audrey M.
Ben E.

So I'm still in that weird phase of friends, where I'm going back and forth. I sit with Maddie and Cassie and Emet and Leo at lunch still, but I don't feel like I can talk to them. I wish I could talk to them easier. I wish things could go back to the way they were.

So who are your friends? How's high school? That's so weird to think about. I feel like high school starts a year early. Just me? How's the musical? Did I end up doing summer school? Are you still friends with Madyson or Lexi?

Does it get better?

What does everyone look like now? Do you have a boyfriend? Or a crush? What are you learning in school right now? Is high school hard? I hope it's not. I'm really excited for it. When do you start driving?

Do I ever get prettier? Does our acne go away? Do we ever get famous? I don't think that's going to happen, but I thought I might as well ask. Are we popular in high school? What happened to Emily Z? Amanda G? I hope you're doing okay. What's your favorite song? Do we get cooler clothes? I hope we do.

Right now, I'm in Rock of Ages and Lion King. My part in Lion King kinda sucks which is annoying and I don't like it very much. I don't know why I didn't get a better part in the show, it's my last one with them. Are you on crew for TPS or Ensemble? Rock of Ages is pretty fun though. I'm with Jack and it's fun most of the time. Also I'm pretty sure I'm doing Annie in the summer. What part do we get?

I'm supposed to be doing my wRite of Passage research but I just don't really want to right now. I'm not in the mood, and I'm too into writing this letter. Oh, btw there's also a letter I wrote to you for when you're 16 and I think I wrote it back in October of 2017. How cringyy am I now that you look back? I feel like I'm a very cringy person.

This friday is Emma P's sevie party. How does it go? Is it just uncomfortable for us? I don't know what to do about it. I'm excited for it but I feel like it'll be weird bc its a bunch of girls i dont really know but that's okay. We'll power through.

We're going to see Heathers on Valentines Day. How was it? Was Sophie as amazing as she normally is? (Probably, because she's like a goddess). How good is your life right now?

Do we get our feelings back? Do we stop being numb?

I just don't really know what's going on in my life right now. I'm pretty busy but I'm also not.

Oh Fifty Shades of EDJ is happening soon ish - where me, Isa, and Sally are watching the Fifty Shades movies (illegally of course lol). That should be fun. I hope I'm not excluded from anything. I know they don't mean to, it's just that I'm their consistent friendship third wheel. I always am - to Isa and Sally, to Cella and Audrey. I'm the continuous third wheel. Do we get a best friend? Is he/she nice? I want a best friend so bad - I've never had one before. Unless you count Cassie, which I don't really. I don't really know what happened with her, but we faded and that's okay. We were bound to break apart, and i think that's for the better.

Do we have a bunch of guy friends? Do you still like dancing? Do we get any better? Do we do something like Spirit Squad?

Oh I forgot to mention, this week is Spirit Week, and I'm performing in the Variety show tomorrow, Jan. 31st, 2018. Do we make it into the assembly? I don't know if we will or not. I'm really procrastinating right now.

Our advisory is pretty great, btw. How are Lila and Julie doing? I hope we still talk to them, they're both so sweet. And what happened to Sydney S. and Chloe S? What about Marjorie from Jesus School? I always liked her too.

Do our talks with Max get better? I hope they do. I really like talking to him. He understands things no one else can even comprehend. Oh how's our mentally challenged goldfish (Jack)? Is he doing okay? I feel like he has some things going on that he doesn't want to open up about. And that's okay, I'm like that too sometimes.

Do we keep in touch with anyone from Ensemble? Have we traveled recently?

How are football games? They seem so fun. I'm just so generally excited for high school and for what the world has to offer. I want to make a difference, and I don't know how, but I'm sure I'll affect the world some day. I want to leave my mark.

I really want to travel the world and just explore what beauty our world has, and I don't know how I'm going to do that, but I want to someday. Have you decided what you want to do when you're older? I still have no clue. Maybe I'll figure something out. Right now, there's just a lot of possibilities, and I feel like I could do a decent job in a couple fields, like maybe writing, and also the arts like music, or something like in the medical field with human development of babies or something along the lines of that.

Brody LF. and Alivia F. told me yesterday that I have a legacy. I don't know what that means for me, but maybe I will someday. I hope I'll matter to someone.

So I'm not going to read through this whole letter to proof read it or whatever so I guess this is what you get.

I'm sorry if it was too long or if you should be doing something and reading this was your way of procrastinating, because that's what we, as Ella, do. If so, GET BACK TO WORK AND STOP PROCRASTINATING. Thank you.

I hope this brought back memories of all kinds, and I hope you have an amazing rest of your day or night or week or month or year. Stay positive, and don't die. Remember, you'll get through whatever you're going through now. It gets better, I'm sure. Nothing lasts forever.

13 year old you.