In the past couple of days I've discovered I have anger issues.
It all started the day before my 17th birthday.
I've always been the kind of person who makes fun of people who gets mad easily, because I don't like problems.
But that day, I had chemistry lab, so I had to bring my lab coat to school and one of my best friends asked if I could borrow it to her.
I agreed because she is my friend and because we all eventually need a favour.
Tons of guys, asked me for the coat, even my crush, but I had already promised it to my friend.
At the end of the day, after school had finished, one of my friends called me asking if one of their friends, named Sebastian, could borrow my coat.
The thing is, there are two Sebastians in this school, one I like and the other I despise.
The second Sebastian had already asked for my lab coat and I didn't lend it to hi because I don't like him.
So when my friend called asking if Sebastian could borrow the coat I assumed he meant the Sebastian I hate, so I logically said no.
My friend didn't respect my decision and gave away my lab coat, I exploded and got really angry, but I didn't say anything because I didn't want to make a big deal out of it.
Then, I asked my other best friend to walk me with my crush and she refused and pushed me to go with my other friend who had given away my coat.
And I got so so mad I can't even explain how I felt.
I got so mad because I always go with my friend to see her crush because she doesn't like to be alone and I felt so sad that she couldn't do that for me, not even once.
So I got really really mad and I started sending hate texts to everyone because I was really really mad.
But it all got better the next day and I forgot about it and I hoped for no anger attacks ever again in my life.
But last thursday it happened again.
I am in the chess team and every year we make an intern tournament, to decide who goes to trips and that kind of stuff, so I had already won three games and the day after I had said I was going to kick my last rival's ass, but when the moment was there I got really scared and started saying that I wasn't going to play, but I was just kidding, I was absolutely going to play and they took my phone and threatened me to play. I hate being ordered what to do and that frustrated me so much but I still was going to play because again, I didn't want to make a big deal out of it, but there's just one person I hate with all my freaking guts in the chess team and my rival, of course had to give my phone to that stupid guy, I chase the guy and he said "you should invite me to dinner first." I got so angry I left and told everyone to go to hell.
I let that go after I left and I had already forgotten, but today, in the moment I walked in the room, one of the leaders of the team told me that I had until Wednesday to play with my rival, even after I had already accepted that I had lost, or else, he would take my points away. I put on my earphones and tried to get over it, but I still feel so powerless, I am not this type of person and usually when something happens and I don't like it I change it but now I don't know what to do.
I know it is not that big of a deal, but I can't control myself, I am crying because I feel like I have no power at all. I hope I can learn to control these anger attacks that affect me so much.
I'm sorry if I have some mistakes, english is not my maternal language and now I am so angry I probably made some mistakes, 'cause I'm not thinking straight.
Anyways, thanks for reading.