I don´t know how to feel about this. I actually feel so many things at a time, that I have no idea how to handle it right now. I caught feelings for this one boy a long time ago and never gave up on those feelings even though he had a girlfriend. Now he is single and we had sex. Random story about how I slept with my brothers best friend. He always knew I have a thing for him and he always used that to play with me. And I always felt used because of that. I was there when he had a fight with his girlfriend and other situations. That whole thing went from having dirty talk over sending nudes to having sex with each other. And I felt great in that moment. But now I don´t know how to feel anymore. He makes me happy, then he makes me sad. I mean really, really sad. Sad like hating myself for sleeping with him. Because I think that won´t happen again. Like he never has time for me. Like he doesn´t want to have time for me. He literally made me hate myself and made me think I am not good enough. I fell in this kind of deep hole where I can´t get out again for a very long time. And it´s like I am jealous all the time out of no reason and I am jealous eeven though he is not mine. And actually this whole thing made me emotional unstable. Like I could die and he would not notice. I just feel like exploding all the time.