It’s honestly shit. But every day your used to doing the same stuff over and over again. Like there’s nothing new but getting sadder each day. I want to tell people how I feel but at the same time I don’t. It’s just, I don’t want to be shoving my shit into people’s throat and basically ‘forcing’ them to listen. Then I leave the call. They ask me why. And I make up excuses just to hide to the fact that I’m never ok. I’m never not sad. That’s just the way it is and the way it wil always be. They say “Think about something happy.” Or “You’ll be fine.”
It’s not that simple. Everything I think about is sad. I’ll never be fine and I know that. But I’ll seem fine to you. As long as your there. As long as I have you. You could be the main reason I’m not dead, if you give up on me. I’ll die alone. I’ll die with questions, that might never be answered. I’ve done some edgy weird shit in the past. I’ve gave him you clues that I will suicide. I will die if I start to feel like that one person that just randomly comes out of know where and is never noticed until they leave. Until they actually say something. I don’t want it to be like that. I don’t want to feel that again. I’m so tired of it.