And I know how difficult he is. I may not know a lot of things, but I'm sure of this.

But let's not start here, let's start from the beginning.

The universe must've conspired for us to meet. Otherwise, I would not have even known his name nevermind having it play like a broken record in my mind. It was fate, our meeting.

Describe him? Brown eyes, not too dark or too light, they hold the colour of melted chocolate, and they make me happy just the same. Fair skin, no freckles. Dimples, long and prominent, one of the first features of his that I fell in love with. Light brown hair. My height, maybe a little taller. Strong build, muscles and all. And his smile. The corners of his mouth turn up and combined with his dimples, may be one of the best smiles I've ever seen in my life. It brings light to the darkest parts of me and I do not know how I've lived so long away from it.

He plays a sport and an instrument. He's intelligent in every aspect although his strength lies in mathematics. He wants to go into engineering. He cleans after school, mostly sweeping my heart around with the rest of the dust.

I heard that he has a history with her. That he really liked her. I do not know if they still talk or if he is still enamoured by her. But I do know, that she is the complete opposite of me. That I am not pretty or athletic or in any way appealing. She is dainty and flirty and popular. The girl that every guy wants. And I am not that, nor will I ever be. Maybe that’s why he makes no effort towards me. Sorry, I’m getting off track.

He is strong-willed, stubborn if you will. I guess we have that in common. He is very honest and straightforward. His opinions are strong and known. My one complaint is his strange obsession with stereotypes and trying to bring them up way too much for it to be normal. He cannot hold grudges. He hates failure almost as much as the next person. He has very insensitive and dark humour, exactly like mine. He never fails to surprise me with the random facts about himself. He is learning Korean, trying to learn a phrase a day. He's not deep into poetry but appreciates it. He said a phrase in Korean once, at my request, but I was too busy lost in his eyes to remember what he said. I know it translates to “Pleasure to meet you.” His favourite colour is green, which also happens to be my least favourite colour. Somehow, that's not surprising.

We are not meant to be together. ‘Us’ is against all odds. Why? I wish I could tell you, but I barely know where I stand in his life, or if I'm standing at all. And I know, above all things, that this boy is difficult. I know, I've told you this. He is this bottomless pit that I keep falling deeper and deeper into. And you know how that ends, me, or what’ll be left of me, clawing at the walls trying to find an escape. Because I am falling. And I can't just fall forever. Eventually, I'll hit reality. And he will break me. And I know he doesn't mean too. I know. But it's always worse because he does not know that he's hurting me, because you do not expect it, or at least hoped that it would be different this time.

And although he has not given me a definite answer, I know that whatever he feels towards me is not what I want to hear. I know. He does not wish to pursue me as I am not worth being pursued. I know. He does not tell his friends about me because I am not worth the effort. I already know.

And it is probably better if I try to forget him. I know.