Okay, lets talk about failure...

First of all, I need to get this off my chest * phew * I definitely sound so dramatic, guys but I've never seriously felt so suffocated about hiding something from my parents in my entire life. So...couple of weeks ago, my results were out. I failed a class. It was the scariest moment in my life because who would've wanted that to happen to themselves right? Like to be honest, I was already kinda expecting it in my head but having to face the truth itself, even though you knew it was gonna happen...is pretty harsh. It literally took me 20 minutes to just stare at my laptop screen, dumbfounded like an idiot and my toes were ice cold even though I covered them with my blanket. I think I forgot how emotions work that time because I was just straight up sitting on my bed like a statue. Now that I think about it, I was probably too shocked to react. When the shock wore off, I remembered that I refreshed the page for at least 10 times, miraculously hoping that they uploaded the wrong grade which they didn't.

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The only positive thing was...me getting distinctions for other classes. I swtg I was hella disappointed with myself and I still am now. During that day, my mind was just filled with so many what ifs and scenarios on what could possibly happen if I break this news to my parents or whether my college friends would look down upon me for failing a class. I don't how I did it but I managed to eat dinner with my parents without breaking down in front of them. So when the night finally came, I practically broke down in tears. I don't have any siblings (I'm the only child) or super close friends (I assumed they'll judge me) to confide to about this hence I was like a time bomb waiting to explode an array of emotions during nightfall.

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It felt horrible because I was suppose to pass this class as expected by people all around me and I felt like an utter disappointment so for days, I isolated myself from everyone. I still talk to my parents but I disconnected myself from every social media. It was sort of like a digital detox for me but mainly I was too ashamed to reply to any of the chats from few close friends asking about my results . However, I prepared myself to be judge by them when I decided to tell them. I DEFINITELY did not expect them all to be extra supportive and motivating. They told me that I shouldn't be ashamed of failing because if anything, I should work harder this time and prove to everyone else that failing doesn't mean your entire world is over, it only gets better and that failing is just another challenging obstacle in life that everyone else needs to overcome so its okay, everybody fails at something sometimes, I shouldn't be too hard on myself.

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It was a very touching moment to me because receiving all these positive energy and vibe from them, gives me hope. I felt so blessed to have them by my side when I was in a dark time. All I felt for them was a generous amount of gratitude for motivating me and I seriously owe them big time. I guess that's what friends should do. I couldn't be more fortunate to have these humans in my life and although they don't have an account in WHI, I just want to thank you all@Angelyn, Kelly and Jiaxian. You guys are the MVPs, bless y'all.

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So I just wanna say that yes, it is still hard for me to talk about it physically because I'd still give you all the waterworks. LOL. It is still a sensitive and sore subject for now BUT trust me, I'm healing. I'm slowly recovering from this huge blow in academic wise so I made a promise to myself over the week that no matter hard and rough time gets throughout the next whole semester, I should always have one goal riveted in my brain and that is to pass and get either distinctions or high distinctions for all the classes that I'm taking. Sounds super ambitious and impossible but seriously guys, like legit, I need a huge breakthrough. Thus, I am

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One last thing though, I'm planning to tell my parents about it tomorrow. I'm fully prepared for the worst outcome. I hope they'll give me the support that I needed. Anyway wish me luck, guys because I am about to endure, well, probably the toughest phase for this year (dramatic af) but whatever, its for my own good.
For those beautiful humans out there facing similar difficulties, here's a bunch of quotes to share with y'all <3

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Image by h a n n a h
Image by Sony Domm
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P/s : If you're still reading, thank you so much for patiently scrolling through this entire thing with your eyes. LOL. You might be unaware of it but I'm actually sending virtual hugs across this platform to each and every one of you right now. HUGS ONCE and HUGS TIGHTLY AGAIN Did y'all feel it yet? <3 Imma sign off now before I get creepier than this. HAHAHA.

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