You should see my new hairtyle. I cut it short, really short, as you never liked it, like when you say that I should say to the boys who tried to talk to me that I was yours, even if I was not, and we know why.

But now that you are not here anymore I have done it. Anyway I like them, peolple used to say that I was not the same, I lost myself, I was tired, always overthinking, now they say it's like I have my energy back again, as when you clean your room, I cleaned my soul from all the rest of you, such as your smile, your stupid words, your attitude. I smile a lot, and now no one talks about you anymore, me neither. And you and me of course not.

I remember the first time we met, I hope someday I will forget it, even if I already tried several times and seems almost impossible.
It was the way you used to look at me, like there was no one else in the room, like that night when you took me by the hand and wanted to go upsters where no one could see us. That's the real point: I used to be your secret, and you consecuencially were mine. But then I speak up, in front of everyone and everything was finished.

And at the first begin I guess I liked it, I questioned it myself why not? You were incredibly awsome, and day after day I kept asking you "why me when you can veryone else in the world" The answer was always the same

Because of you

But then, months later, when we were face to face you forget or pretend to forget everything we have been through, I don't mean really important things, but our little stupid things that remind us we could do it no matter what, like when I got my first car, my travel in spain, my work with children. But I did, I rember your passion for animals, your hard work, your travel abroad. I did. As all the promises you used to do but I know you would never do nor one. And you got angry when I said it but look at us now. Who was right?

It seemed like I have never existed for you. Just a ghost, like when you try to remeber how to do a diffucult math's expression but the result doesn't came. Even if the teacher as explained it not a long time a go.

After all, I have to thank you for have forgot everything for first beacuse I could not. I tried, but it was too late: I was falling, deeply fallling for you. I couldn't do anything: I stopped texting you, but you continued, and when I try to explain you how was the situation for me you answered "whatever" and I knew that I would continue thinking about you no matter what. And I knew I was the only one who felt something even if it was you who said explicit to love me. What I couldn't give you what you really wanted, just what you really needed.

It was the way you looked at me, the way you talk, your deep voice and that weird accent. Your soft hands all over me. I feel safe but then lost, and then I hated you because it was completely wrong. I was addicted.

But know thanks, wherever you are. You are still thinking of me, just like I know you should and I can not give you everything you know I wish I could. As you said, we were living in our little perfect word but reality is such different. I have to safe myself and I know you will be fine.

You'll always be in my heart

You deserve to shine
Elli