v^~on the outside~^v
5'7
in a half
semi short curly purple hair
she acts like she doesn't care
she laughs off most things with a large smile
her eyes shine and throws around compliments like she has an unlimited supply
of love that is
romance lover
book reader
inside her own fantasy
yet so aware of whats going on inside the world that when someone makes a joke about killing themselves she's quick to ask them whats really wrong
not what they are saying on the outside
kind
warm hearted
yet her eyes are cold spacing out
until you talk to her that is
her eyes light up with possible evidence for her claim when you approach her with something you need to say
she listens
when she interrupts she catches herself, with a hand over her mouth when she laughs that loud laugh
she's quiet in class
her pencil writing quickly
she takes notes with color
keeping them organized
yet she makes jokes about how her life is a mess
she raises her hand quickly; and people think "oh there she goes again knowing things"
but its really a question, maybe a "strange" one like
"did you know that during the building of the railroads tons of native americans got killed and ran out of there home lands?"
...there goes that silence again the, "why does she take everything so seriously?" the whispers and the snickers
but she smiles softly and the teacher usually says: "no. no naveen i didn't know that"
the teacher on the other hand enjoys her questions as much as naveen likes asking them herself
she laughs and says "no way" when people come up to her and say, "you could be a model oh my lord! i wish i had a face like yours!"
but theres much more than the outside...
v^~on the inside~^v
i'm not good enough
is one of the thoughts that run through her head
her stomach fills with dread when she opens her mouth because she's partly afraid, if people will judge her for what she has to say
she's not confident
yet she spreads love even though the love for herself is limited
her mind keeps running
picking apart every "imperfection" that she see's in the mirror
wow
why can't i be more like-
is what she tells herself at night
stressing
praying
wishing
that she looked more like the people on her instagram feed
she tries to be happy
fulfill everyones needs
but taking everyones stress and issues onto herself is wearing her down
sometimes she can only look
down, at people and the worst parts of life
sometimes she forgets that she can take a break from helping others and help
herself
isn't ideal
she isn't that comfortable with
herself
but she tries everyday
to work on her own image of
herself
she can only be
i can only be
me