it’s just that recently i’m starting to get so scared. so scared of falling for him even more than i have. i don’t want it to end but i know that if it does i need to be as ready as i can. i don’t want to feel things for him if i know i won’t get to feel them forever. & what i’ve felt so far is so beautiful. it’s like what i imagine drunk slow dancing like. slow, intimate & blurry. i don’t know how long it takes to scientifically fall in love or if love is even a real thing in science. i just know that in a matter of months this one soul has become everything to me. i’ve built my heart around him as if it were a prison & i fear the day he one wishes to leave. & i know that if he ever does he won’t really be gone. he’ll still be there. just like when someone leaves your house they’ve always left little pieces of themselves. a scent or a song, maybe even something they owned. I just know that he’s become a part of my daily life that won’t ever be able to change, whether he’s physically there or not.

I want to love him like there’s no such thing as pain. I want to love him like if it is drunk slow dancing, i won’t wake up with a hangover. but so many parts of me know that if i did that i’d end up drinking myself to death