You know what my first memory was? Me being hold by my big sister and feeling happy. Since then a lot has changed. My father left, my mum got depressed, my beloved sister died... I’m only 19 years old but still I've lived through some pretty heavy stuff. And despite that what I’m struggling most with is my own my mind. I constantly have to remind myself that I deserve to be happy and that the world is not half as bad as my brain sometimes thinks it is.

You see I started studying Biology at one of the best universities in my country. Packed, moved. But halfway into my first year I began doubt everything. Me, relationships even the world itself. To be fair I always was good in doubting myself and everything that surrounded me as a person. But now I even doubted my concept of happiness. After a massive breakdown I realized that happiness lies where art is. Being more exact where I can be creative and express who I am or what I feel. With this realization I turned my life around.

Right now I’m drawing every day to get my skills back on track. I’m terrible afraid of making the false choices, I can’t sleep and I’m shaking but of excitement. My life at least isn’t boring anymore. All my life things happened to me. Like my sister’s death or the molesting in my childhood. I do not want this life anymore. I’ll take into my own hands. Maybe I’m young and dumb. And maybe I’ll regret later on, but at least, it was my choice.
I want to feel happy and loved again. I know that my clinical depression will get me down again someday but it will be ok. I know it will.

Thanks for reading; I hope you are well too. I really do.