You can never be certain, you can never be sure.

Doubt, it is there in every part of your life, every relationship you have, every thing you do, every goal you pursue. Doubt is proof that we know that there are other options; doubt shows us that we are aware that things can be different; it tells us that we never know and that no matter what we choose, there will always be a ‘what if’. It is not, on its own, a bad thing. It is proof that we can change and that nothing is ever set in stone. It is when the doubt starts growing larger than the certainties that there is a problem; that’s when things start becoming unbearable. That is also when change should be made.

For me, doubt is at its strongest when I’ve already made up my mind. It is when I have made a decision and I have promised – myself, someone else, whoever – that I will go through with it, that I start to become unsure. That is when doubt makes its way into my head every day, echoing questions I thought I’d answered long ago and reminding me that because I’ve made up my mind, because I’ve taken a step in one direction, there is no going back (I'd like to point out that this is in no way true; you can always change your mind and you should not feel bad about doing so). It makes me wonder if I’m going in the right direction, if what I’m doing is really what I want to do, if the people I’m with are really the people for me.

There is nothing I doubt more than love. And this is not the love I receive from others: of that I am more certain than not. It is the love that I myself feel; do I love this person as I thought I did? Do I love them as I should? Do I love them enough, for myself and for them? To these questions, I want to say ‘yes’, but doubt is holding me back.

Do I love my passion as much as I once did? Will I never love it again? Has my love run out?

Will I ever love enough to feel passionate, happy, content?

Will I always doubt my own love?

These questions I cannot answer, and doubt is the core of them all.

I do not loathe doubt, nor do I wish to never doubt again. I have not yet found myself, and doubt is simply a part of the process and the growth I have to go through to become whoever I am meant to be. Doubt allows me to see things I wouldn’t otherwise have been looking for, and my certainty will be much stronger if I have doubted.

It's okay to have doubts. If you are doubting something, be it a relationship, a future plan, a job, it does not make you a bad person, nor does it mean that you do not care for said something (I'd even go so far as to say it means you do care). It simply means you care about yourself and that you are open enough to know that there are always other options. These are not bad things.