welcome back, hope you like it, let me know. lots of love, emma.

"I have a beautiful life and of course not all is perfect, but I try to make everything the closest thing to perfect. I remember when I was younger imagining what my life would be like right now and never in a million years did I have this in mind. To me life is a lot like lottery, it almost never works out the way we want it to be and when it does, jackpot.

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She remembers the nice old lady, she didn’t remember all of her neighbors but that woman was one of them. She remembers hating having to do small talk in the elevator but now she misses it. That horrible elevator, it worked, at its best, three days a week and going up and down the six flight of stairs was way harder that it sounds when you have small legs. She misses the nice old lady and wonders where she is now. Does she still live in the 5th floor of the building? Does her family still comes to visit her? Is she even still alive? She thinks back to that time when she went to her house, it’s all a big blur except for the toys, they were everywhere. They were her grandchildren’s, they were all very colorful, her grandchildren are probably all grown up by now. She regrets not getting to know that lady more, but that’s not the kind of things you think about when you’re seven, is it?

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During the time we spend on this planet, living, breathing, we will meet many people, not all of them will be remembered and many of them will be forgotten. But everyday, I pass so many people that I do not know and I can’t help but think about how small I really am compared to the immensity of life. As I walk past all those other living, breathing human beings I can’t help myself but imagine them coming home to their family, theirs cats, their loved ones. Why am I me? Why isn’t it me who is getting on that bus right now?or me sitting at the window of this café?

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She wasn’t mean, she just didn’t really like being around people, not that they annoyed her even though sometimes they did, it was just that she was more comfortable on her own. She felt safer in a way. She always wondered if other people thought like that, she still does after all these years. She felt suffocated if being around other human beings for a long period of time, she never liked hugs even as a toddler, her parents used to say she would physically push people away with her chubby little baby arms when they tried to hold her. Of course, now that she is grown up she has learned to politely accept the hug and to hug back.
She didn’t want to be like this, life would be so much easier if you could just go around hugging people all day long, but life isn’t a Care Bears episode. And once she realized that, it was the beginning of a whole new version of herself."