Some people forget how to live their lives. Well.. including me. Recently I realized that I don't really live, I just exist. I don't really have any friends since I'm an introvert and I hate pretending (I mean come on most of the relationships in this era are based on misleading people and pretending to be something you're not.), I don't go out, I don't travel and I don't have fun. What I do is just stay at home and binge watch tv shows while eating junk food. I can't recall how do weeks and months pass because it's all the same to me. I realized that there's just this gap inside me that can't be covered with superficial relationships and that gap is called depression. Anyone who knows me can't even imagine what I'm going through because I was always an introvert and never was the popular one. They call it a phase that I'm going through after graduation. But they have no idea how many times death has crossed my mind.. How many times I wanted to leave and run away...All I'm doing is trying to experience things and feelings through imaginary tv characters. But life isn't a well written episode where everything turns out good in the end.. I don't want to feel sad anymore! I really want to live! Travel, go out more and try new things! So somewhere in me there's a will to feel alive. I started seeing a psychologist and working on it. I know there's a lot of people feeling the same so please don't give up and try to live!