So, where to begin? I had this question last year, and it came back to my attention this year. The question was, "How can you not cry?" I was thinking about it earlier today, it just seems to pop into my head during church on Sunday, at home, at youth group. I think I finally know...the reason why I can't cry, about what Jesus did on the cross right now, it's because I have something else that I love more than God. I am holding onto something that I love more than Jesus, I hadn't fully surrendered it. I should've surrendered it earlier.

So I am going to surrender it right now, right here, this very instant. I am going to write too myself, a speech of guidance, and a promise to God. After you guys read this I won't be on WHI for some time because I will be doing what I promise here today.

"Conner Van Asch, God has saved you from some of the worst things in life, suicide, self-harm, anger, oh and let's not forget demons. You're a better man now Conner old pal than who you were years ago. But, you haven't surrendered everything. You hold onto something still, something you've hidden away in a vault of secrets, and you are afraid. You are afraid that if others find out you will be rejected, cast out, well, Conner I think it is about time you reveal it so it can be destroyed. I think it is about time you reveal it so it can stop growing like an infection. What do you say? Yes, you've stopped watching it, but you think about it, it is still in your mind, so I think it's about time you dig into your Bible and read the Gospel to have a clean mind! It's time to cry again. I Conner Van Asch, will read the Bible more, and treasure its words into my heart, my mind, and my soul. Porn, I let you go."

Hillsong United Lyrics

"From The Inside Out"

A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
Should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace
Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise
Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame

My heart and my soul
I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out

Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring you praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out