“You know I have major trust issues!” she yelled at him.
“I know, but I didn’t think this would affect you so much! It wasn’t even about you. It was just the thing in general!”
“You would never have thought to even talk to someone about it if it wasn’t for me!”
She had to quit down to hold the tears in. She bit herself in the cheeks toughly so she could focus on the physical pain.
“The fact is I’m not an open person by nature. I’ve never been so honest with anyone as I have with you lately. I’ve never even been so honest with myself. And then you decided to go talk to someone about something I told you about that is important and deep is...”
she could not finish the sentence. She had to hold back her tears. She drove her nails down into her palms. The focus again fell on something different than the discussion.
“Second of all...” she continued quietly trying to hold back her tears. “The fact that you felt as if you had to go to someone else to talk about our problems is just...”
She drove her nails down her palm again. He then seized the opportunity to speak up.
“You know I’m insecure. I can’t just jump into things like you. I have to feel at least a bit secure on what I’m doing.”
“So you don’t feel secure in our relationship?”
The tears.... The tears...
“No that’s not what I said. You have to listen! I...”
“Why didn’t you just talk to me about it?”
“Because I thought you were going to break up with me!” He yelled out.
There was silence for a moment. She could not hold her tears back anymore she turned her back to him and dried them away. Then she turned around again and looked straight at him.
“What if I was? What if the person you have talked with had given you false hope and expectations?” She took a step closer to him. “Huh?” She could feel the anger crawling up on her. “What if the person had told you something different? What if the person told you I was going to break up with you? What would you have done then?”
“I...” He stutters but she cuts him off.
“No bottom line is you don’t feel like you can talk with me about anything and I feel the exact opposite with you! I talk to you about everything and anything! Why do you feel like you can’t do the same? Is it because you don’t trust me?” A knot formed in her throat. “You don’t love me?”
The tears began to come back.
“No no!” He said as he pulled her closer and began hugging her. “It’s because I love you I was afraid to lose you!”
She went silent. She could not speak. The knot in her throat would not allow her to.
“Sometimes you make me feel like the worst person in the world... and I’m sorry I treat you like that sometimes...” he said.
She opened her eyes. She knew she was broken inside. She didn’t want to break him either. He was too precious. He was too good for her. She slowly pushed him away but she had never wanted him to hold her closer than now.
“You’re too good for me...” she said as she shook her head. “I’m breaking you...” she swallowed the knot. “I don’t want you to become like me...”
“No no no no...” he said and tried to pull her into him but she would not move. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. I have never been happier than when I’m with you. Even when I’m sad I don’t feel sad because I’m with you. You’re my light in the darkness...” the tears had traveled to his eyes “please don’t ever leave me...”
“I won’t...” she said “I can’t...” she took a deep breath “I love you.”
“I love you too.” He said as he hugged her. “I love you so much I don’t even think you understand...”
As the boy and the girl hugged. They had never held each other closer.