So this is a really personal article and it's one that I have really been debating on whether to post or not because it is something that is really close to me and really personal to me. I'm sharing with you a collection of poems/writings that I did when I was going through a long period of self harm which I am still working on getting over. I was extremely hesitant on sharing these with you guys because I know that some people tend to be cruel when someone admits they have or are harming themselves. But this article is not only to explain the bad times but also a positive one because today I am on the other end of the pain of the suffering and have somehow become so much stronger than I ever imagined! So here it goes; a few of my poems/quotes:

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1. 27 Letters:
"How can I arrange twenty seven letters into some semblance of words that can accurately describe what goes on inside. Because how do you find the words to describe the dead look in your eyes or the emptiness you feel inside. How do you justify or describe the unnerving need to take a razor and watch yourself bleed. How can you accurately explain the darkness that's invading your brain and slowly driving you insane. I just dont think twenty seven letter can accurately explain the deep and dark depths of my pain"

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2. "Those cuts and scars you romanticize aren't poetic, aren't beautiful, aren't trophies to be put on display. They're stomach sickening, gut twisting, vomit inducing reminders of a time when you almost let the darkness that lives inside you win. I should know"

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3. "I feel weird today, like I'm somewhere between waking and dreaming. Neither alive nor dead but stuck in some horrible state in between the two where nothing feels real and everything is wrong"

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4. Real:
"I don't feel real today. Instead I feel kinda dead, like everything is a dream. I feel alone and empty with no where to go and no one to turn too. Like all my insides have been sucked out and I'm left with this horrible black emptiness. I just dont feel human today I feel like some alien or mutant with no real thoughts and no real emotions or feelings. I feel like I'm an outsider looking in. Like a freak who uses a blade to make herself bleed to remind herself that she's still alive because she doesn't feel that way. I don't feel alive today but maybe that's because I don't really want to be"

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5. "Nothing feels the same anymore. Everything feels different. I feel empty and hollow like all of the life has been slowly drained out of me. Like I'm just an empty rotting corpse. All the things I wanted to live for just don't matter anymore. Nothing does."

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6. "I turned out to be exactly who my mother used to warn me about when I was little, someone out on the fringe, hardly living, barely a human, just someone trying desperately not to fall completely apart"

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7. Regret:
"And that's the sad things I discovered about self harm, you can attempt to use it to fix the sadness and release the pain, but the only thing is that in the end when the sadness has finally gone the scars will always remain and the problem with that is most of the time the scars and the cuts only masked the pain"

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And now for a quote by my favorite artist of all time: Vincent Van Gogh!

"But what I wanted to say is this: after the period of melancholy is over you will be stronger than before, you will recover your health and you will find the scenery around you so beautiful you will want nothing but paint"
-Vincent Van Gogh

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For anyone struggling: