This 15 Days Writing Challenge has now turned into an over a month challenge because I suck. No excuses except that I lost interest and motivation in continuing this but something peeked my interest today which is perfect for day six's (actually seven but I changed it up) challenge which is to write something you find interesting. This might be a long post by the way so I hope you bare with me because this truly is interesting and helpful to everyone.
I apologize for taking so long to complete this challenge but thank you to everyone who cares enough to stick with me anyway.

Today I'd like to talk about the Mercury Retrograde but first, I'd like to talk about how and why this interested me.

Since December started, I've been very on edge for some reason. In the beginning, I knew it was going to be that time of the month soon and so I blamed it on PMS and my actual menstruation (sorry if this is TMI). Well that was that and I thought I can finally get back to normal and enjoy the best month of the year! Spoiler alert: I didn't/I don't.

It kind of all started when I asked my mom if I can drive all the way to Seattle to hangout with my friend who lives around there. If you didn't read my previous articles in this challenge, I recently moved to Washington from a little island called Guam (which I'll talk about in day eight's entry). From where I live, Seattle is an hour+ drive away. Guam doesn't have freeways and such so it is a completely new thing for me and my mom. She didn't want me to do this, which of course I completely understand because she cares about my safety, but I was angry about it. I understand the risk but I know my abilities and truly believe that I will be fine.

From then, I was just realizing that if she won't let me drive on my own that far then I never will be able to. On Guam, I had all the freedom and my own car and it just made me homesick so much more. Being new here and not starting college until next semester (or quarter if you're from WA) means I don't have any new friends who are actually from here either. I am for sure a homebody person but only up to a certain point and the loneliness has just been really hitting me lately.

However, my mom decided that I can go so I got happy again! (I know how much of a spoiled brat I sound right now; you don't have to tell me.) When I notified my friend though, she told me she was actually visiting back home (Guam) that day so we couldn't have been able to hangout anyway. Not going to lie, I am envious that she's going home.
Great though right? I now know that my mom would let me go on my own and I might not be stuck at home forever so I can finally stop being sad. Spoiler alert: I was wrong.

The question now is everything is fine, why am I still sad?
No reason; my depression just decided to make a visit this holiday season. I'm not going to get into my depression and everything about it but it's been in my life for a long time now.
Yesterday was really bad. I broke down and I don't know if I'm going to call it an anxiety attack because it wasn't triggered by me being anxious about anything, but it definitely did turn into one from overthinking what my purpose in this world is, at the rate my life is going right now. There's a lot more to it but they're too personal.
When I woke up today, I still felt shitty but I was able to catch Brendon Urie's Instagram Live stream (where are my fellow P!ATD fans at) and that made me feel a lot better. Afterwards, I was scrolling through Twitter and I saw this tweet:

Image by Franchezka

My first thought was, 'what the fuck is a retrograde and is it the answer to all my problems'.

The retrograde is an astrology topic known as the Mercury Retrograde which I think everyone should know about even if they do not believe in astrology and such.
The definition of retrograde is (adj.) directed or moving backward. Therefore during this period of time, Mercury gives off the illusion of rotating backwards and this happens to a lot of the planets at some point, but occurs to Mercury more often like three to four times a year. Astrologist believe this movement affects the energy on Earth.
Quoting from this article (https://www.bustle.com/p/mercury-retrograde-the-winter-solstice-intersect-on-dec-21-heres-what-that-means-7641213):

Mercury is generally thought to rule over domains like technology, travel, and communication. When it enters retrograde, these aspects of life might go a little haywire. Wifi might be slow, flights can get cancelled, and so on.

With those domains, I thought none of those relate to how I'm feeling with the exception of maybe a little bit of communication because I can't really answer my mom when she's asks what's wrong; I can't even answer myself.

I don't want to get too into it because it is quite a bit of information but in a lot of articles I've seen, it is said to not make any super important, life-changing decisions like business deals, contracts, etc during this time.
Quoting from this article (https://www.astrologyzone.com/everything-you-need-to-know-about-mercury-retrograde/):

Don’t make any important moves when Mercury is retrograde. Nothing will be settled successfully for the future during these periods anyway – you will find it nearly impossible to nail down a plan. During a retrograde period, it is hard to get decisions from others. Even if a decision is made, it will be subject to change, either just after Mercury turns to direct motion or much later."

Again, not relating to any of that, I wanted to look into the emotional aspects of it. I found an article where someone said they've been feeling more anxious so jackpot baby. Though, the retrograde affects everyone differently. (https://www.elitedaily.com/wellness/mercury-retrograde-mental-health/1481947)
I bluntly looked up if it has anything to do with depression because again, I'm not too anxious and I found an article where it plainly says it doesn't. (https://www.bustle.com/p/can-mercury-retrograde-cause-depression-heres-why-you-might-be-feeling-sadder-than-usual-6945835) However, another article heavily talks about your subconscious taking over rather than your actual conscious.
Quoting from that article (https://cosmic-living.com/articles/how-to-handle-mercury-retrograde/):

During this Retrograde time, you may have assumed that your heightened feelings are entirely originating from within your own personality. However, though your emotions and thoughts are your own, please understand that the planetary energies may be affecting and amplifying certain hidden patterns within you. And also, the energetic influences of an entire population affected by this sub-conscious / conscious shift may create an unusual energetic atmosphere, and this may affect you as well.

Another article that I found is the most relatable to me says that the mercury retrograde can cause mental and emotional heaviness, crying because of being upset, frustration, unpredictable moods and roller coaster behaviors, self-doubt (which makes sense with the whole decision-making aspects of it), and many more. (https://www.darpayment.com/emotional-effects-of-mercury-in-retrograde/)

Regardless if the mercury retrograde is the reason for my depression hitting harder or not, I believe it does because it gives me hope that I'm not going insane and that I will conquer this dreadful feeling. That tweet was definitely a sign and I am so happy this damned mercury retrograde is ending soon (December 22nd), especially before my birthday and Christmas. Therefore, I hope I start feeling better soon.

Even if the mercury retrograde doesn't involve anything about mental health, the other domains have been proven true to me. Last year during the retrograde that I had no idea about, I was traveling to Korea and so much shit happened with my flight that I almost was not able to go and it was so stressful. If you want a full detailed story on what happened, I'd be happy to make an article on it. Believe it or not, try and remember where you were during the retrograde times (which you can look up when it occurred) in the past and it may make sense to you.

All in all, please know that your mental health is the most important thing in this world. Nothing else matters as long as you're mentally heathy.

Just in case, I'll put down all the sources again if you want to see more information on it and even add in an article that says what each zodiac sign should do during the mercury retrograde (first link).

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Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. Check out my other entries on this challenge and try it out for yourself!