This is me, another loser trying to socialize with people, even tho she can't.
My life has always been on social media, shitposting..complaining..talking with virtual friends..
At least, i wanted to make friends there.
I wish i could spend my whole life on social media, virtual friends are more trustful, and dont know much about you.
So yeah, this is a true story.
Im that dreamy teen, always sitting/walking with a stranger that she calls "a friend " at school, so that she wont feel alone.
That girl that hates most of people in her school, all the same and so fake.
And also that one who never pays attention in class..
-"Miss, whats your name?"
I was hearing shit.
Then my camarade pinched my arm.
-" Huh..what?" I looked at her.
My maths teacher was staring at me.
-" ...were you even with us?"
I could just look down..
This is me every single day.
Always have problems of focusing.
Well, it was never my fault.
My mind was busy thinking of things...
Different things.
Him.
He was the one occupying my mind.
Another love .
I know that all my love relationships were just failures.
But i cant force my heart to unlove everyone.
It already kinda do..
..
Nah , just lying.
Maybe he is occupying my brain, but its not the main reason why i never really care about what's happening around me.
Its just i prefer living on my own world..thinking and thinking..
Everyone i want is right here.
points her index on her head
In my mind.
I never was/ and ill never be the one to socialize with.
Leave me alone.
Im too lazy to act cool with all of you..
You're disgusting and too normal.
I wish i could live inside my mind.
And disappear from this cruel stupid world.
..
Disappear?
His image was right in front of my eyes.
Kind of a deja vu.
He was just a human being like others.
Right?
Why would he have a place in my thoughts?
Why "him"?
They all left me.
He can leave me too cause im too mysterious?..
..
See?
Yup XD
i always have this fight inside me.
Kind of like problems of trust.
-"Trust me".
..
That blond dude.
Why is he staring at me?
Oh.
That "little love experience".
He's now with that skinny bitch.
Oopsie.
I just started hating people even more.
...did i?
..
Fuck it!
I just wish i could get the fuck out of here.
I hate this place.
I hate everyone here.
She used to tell me im superficial.
BITCH .
YOU DONT KNOW A SHIT ABOUT ME!!
YOU DONT KNOW HOW ITS HARD TO TALK WITH ALL OF YOU!
just leave me alone.
..
No
I dont wanna be alone.
It is hard to take.
I think i just want him by my side..
Oh
You're surely thinking about who could it be?
Well
Its my crush.
You can laugh at me.
We actually cant be together ..cause of distance.
Tbh, all my relationships were distance relationships.
And ..they never worked..
But still..
Maybe this one can.
He seems patient.
And
More importantly
Different.
I could feel his warm hands on my cheeks..
Saying "dont worry, we will taste freedom".
..
It cant be real..
Until i meet him.
..
He was blond..his chestnut hair was all soft with curls and has a pure white skin..
His eyes were looking innocent and mature behind his glasses..
Well, i wear glasses too.
Kind of a coincidence?
2 nerds in love.
But...
Is he an anti-social picky weaky as well?..
He plays league
So maybe he is..
-*sighs* "..Distance is hard..."
Are we that determined to stay together?
No matter what?
No doubts?
Maybe we'll give up after 2 months..
-" Ah..i wish i could stop overthinking like for some time.."
Sure
My brain is beautiful.
Unfortunately, y'all cant see the beauty in here..
But someday..
I'll make him discover what's inside my mind..
..
-"...where should we go?"
-" Far. Far away."
-"far? Hahah What do you mean ?"
-" somewhere where there is no people surrounding us, only the two of us."
-" Me? Im not special tho..i can easily make you bored of me.."
-" you can make me love this world ."
-"Can i..?"
-" i want to see it differently.."
-" Well, fine pushes his glasses let's see how do the world look when i am with you".
{This scenario, was on repeat, every night before i sleep.}