I'm clearly not one of those, who simply don't care and handle failure easily. In fact most of time when I happen to break down, it's not because I'm sad, but it's because I'm angry with myself for not living up to my expectations. It's not even about being perfect, but about being just good enough for myself. I'm certainly not happy and proud of such behavior, which is really immature. So today I'm going to face that and share and clear my thoughts about failing at something and coping with that.

1. Realize that it's not about you.

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When I fail at something important or I just find myself acting on my emotions too much, I'm not not only I'm really hard on myself. I just feel like a waste of space. I just start overthinking. I see this horrible scenario, where I'm just unhappy, frustrated person hating her life and really falling at every aspect of it. However it's not like that, it's not about me. It's not about my personality or my whole life. It's just one situation, one single situation and it has a reason. Everything has it's reasons. Of course sometimes there just thing we can't control, but usually we can control soo many things. Moreover we can change them for the better.

2. Try to analyze the situation and learn from it

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Behind everything there is reason, so there must be a reason behind your failure. Maybe you weren't feeling good that day. If you were stressed you definitely shouldn't put soo much pressure on yourself, but you should learn how to relax to not be stressed next time. Maybe someone was better, so maybe you didn't put enough effort and so on. You should know how to improve, what to change. It's not end of the world, you will have opportunity to fix or deal with this situation better in future.

3. Have a mental health day

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Failing at something is quite horrible, so you may just feel hopeless and not able to do anything. It's understandable, if you don't have any serious things to do, just go to sleep, go out with your friends, binge watch Netflix. Do whatever makes you relaxed and happy. You should just forget about failing and try not to think about it. If you constantly remind yourself that you've failed, it's not only bad for self esteem, but really prevents you for succeeding next time. People believing in succeeding in something are much more likely to actually do. On the other hand those who see black clouds and failure are more likely to fail again.

4. Talk with a friend

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It really helps me, because friends have just different perspective on my issues. They are either compassionate and we can have just Schopenhauer day, while complaining about our lives or they just laugh it off saying that they can't even imagine why I'm worrying about such a stupid thing. As to perspective once I failed on my test I went to omegle (it's anonymous international chat), just to talk to someone (I don't recommend it guys, apart from normal or awesomely strange and crazy people lots of pretty dangerous freaks are out there). I was actually chatting with disabled guy, who just made internet friends, because he barley can get out of home. I was just ashamed of myself that I happened to tell him that I had a terrible day. I kinda appreciated my life and my opportunities more.

5.It's just life

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Okay it's just life. Life is just like this sinus functions (sine wave) it has it ups and downs. Right now you could be really down, in deep black hole, but it wouldn't be that forever. It's just one low point in your life, and your next step will likely be upward. Especially if failure motivates you to do better, then it only accelerates your getting better. Failure is needed because it helps you improve your methods and shows you your week points. It's a valuable lesson without which you wouldn't be able to succeed.

6. Ask yourself if it truly matters

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Will it matter in month, in year, in 5 years time? Will you even remember this situation? You've got you're whole life ahead of you. I don't know you're age, but probably you've got at least yet 70 years to live. It's such a long time and you can do so many amazing things in that time. So just live in now, instead of worrying about past.

7. Try again

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When you fail at something it's probably because you didn't put enough effort in it or just you did it the wrong way. There is nothing shameful in trying again and again (but with different method and approach). At some point you just will be able to do it right. If you don't want to it means that's not important enough and simply doesn't matter (see point 6).

8. Take another challenge

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Maybe there is something different you can do now. The fact that you aren't good at something doesn't determine that you aren't good at anything. Try something different, take the new challenge. It may just turn out that this second option or project is soo much better opportunity that the one you failed at.

9. Never give up

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Did you know that it took almost 10 000 attempts for Thomas Edison to invent light bulb? Did you know that Albert Einstein was the worst student in primary school? Did you know that J.K. Rowling was refused to publish Harry Potter nine times, before she found publisher who finally did? I mean you're failure doesn't define you. Success is all about hard work and not giving up. If Thomas Edison gave up we wouldn't even have electricity. I mean can you even imagine world without computers, fridges, cars or light? To be true if I were Thomas Edison I would definitely give up. Ten thousand times! It means working days on something that seems just pointless. I can imagine that Edison's family just thought that he was crazy and wasting time, probably not many people supported him. Yet he did it and just changed history of whole human kind.So are you about to give up or not?

10.Now let me tell you something about coding (computer programming)

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Hah like oh my God coding is the best way to cope with failure I can possibly imagine. It's apparently part of my university course and I've just fell in love with it. Coding is all about taking a challenge, creating something and solving some problem. Of course to solve problem you have to acquire some basic skills like knowing the tools you're going to use, but everything else is within you and you're brain. Coding is all about failing. You write this amazing formula. You're proud of yourself. And then error, error, error, all the screen is red from errors you have to fix. You've failed. You've put time, knowledge and effort to create this and yet you fail. But now it's time for fixing mistakes until program is going to work or rewrite the formula and come up with another solution. It's not easy and it's kinda frustrating. But by making those hundreds of mistakes and inventing different solutions you're learning so much. I just find it fascinating. Each time you try something again, you're better at it and you gain more knowledge. It's better to actually fail at each time of coding and learn, than just come up with flawless answer. By doing this you gain more understanding how something works and well you get all excited and annoyed about endlessly fixing the same thing. At some point you've failed soo many times you're just motivated to do it right.Finally when you've made it you're just soo happy I cannot even describe that. I mean coding have changed whole my perspective on failing at something. It's all about not giving up even though something looks just hopeless and you failed a hundred times at it. Failure is totally worth it!

Guys don't be afraid to fail.

Failure means progress, means finding new ways to be better at something. Failure is just as important at success and it's an essential part of it.

Love&peace
MissJenny

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