I'm suicidal.

No, not in the way where I'm overdosing on pills or putting a gun to my head.

I'm safe. And I know my life is worth living and I know things will get better.

I'm suicidal in the sense that when I fall into a deep depression, and I get stressed and things aren't turning out in my favor, I often think "I should just kill myself" or sometimes even "I would be better off dead". And the weirdest part about this is that I, am deathly afraid of death.

There may be some of you out there like me. Being suicidal but not following through with your thought because you know there is more to life than this rut you are stuck in now.

It's okay to feel this way. It's okay to feel sad and depressed and like you want to just give up and die, but the most important thing is to not let your thoughts control you. Stand up to your bullying thoughts.

"I am better than you, I will not let you control my life or the way I live it". Don't let it influence you.

Now, if you happen to be someone actively attempting suicide or have many times, I want you to know that you, are worth it. You were put on this earth for a reason, whether you are spiritual or not, there is a reason for you.

Someone loves you, someone thinks you're beautiful, someone thinks you're smart and somebody is waiting to hear back from you. You can not give into those stupid little thoughts. You are so much stronger than you think you are.

If you are having suicidal thoughts/actions, please call a helpline or talk to somebody you trust. Even just talking about it can relive a tremendous amount of stress.

Lots of love,
Matty <3