Part I
This is a story of a girl, who tried so hard to be okay. She wanted to make others happy but failed to do so for herself. This is her story.

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okay so here i go. Im Jay, short for Jayne. I wear baggy sweaters, mom jeans with tears, and old shoes. I wear sunglasses inside my house and write constantly. Im not attractive and im trying to be okay with that. im trying to learn how to be independent. how to be okay
I kissed a girl the other day. it was a dare, nothing serious. lol. but now this other girl thinks im gay and idk but im so scared everyone hates me. i went to the local pizza place after school today (everyone goes there when school lets out) and these girls said i needed to leave, i guess someone they knew didnt like me they chose them over me, and that hurts cause i thought they were my friends you know? were. im so sad and its not that im just even scared but i just miss my friends and the old me.

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I just love the simplicity of things. clouds, music, hands, band-aids, etc. everyone thinks im weird and annoying and i know that, dont you think i fucking know that? so i cover up all this pain with laughs and jokes but im not okay, ill never be okay because people broke me and now i cant fix myself, these small pleasures dont please me anymore and im lost. i killed the old me but the new one isnt much better and i just wanna die

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im falling in love with someone and i cant stop. im falling out of love with others and i want to rewind. i cant help what i feel and i wont apologize because my emotions are based off of are your actions. so im sorry YOU did this to me. im not a bad person for wanting to be happy. but maybe i am for wanting that for you too.

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i would have robbed all the stars in the sky if it meant you were surrounded by love and happiness but then everything would be dark for me and im sorry but i need to think about myself for once
i swear im trying, i just cant stop shaking and sometimes all the poems about helaing and recovery sound like such bullshit, im not even trying to be okay anymore, im trying to survive. it is not a good thing, im not a good thing. at this point im barely a thing at all.

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so i will keep trying. but im telling you this story will come to an end, soon I will leave and there will be nothing left but sweaters old jeans and bad poetry. peace loves.


After reading this go read "our story" link below: also for more insight on my characters go here: