Have you ever wondered why do we suffer so much after break up? Is it because we will miss the time we had with that particular person or, maybe, because we felt safe and accepted?

After a conversation I had with my friend, I started thinking that maybe it’s not that particular person we are missing or even the time we had. We tend to miss some partners we weren’t even that close with. I guess it’s the attention they gave us and the confirmation. The confirmation of being good enough to belong to someone and for that someone to belong to us. Huh. But why do we believe that a human being can belong to us? Just because we are giving them love and our time, it doesn’t mean that that person owes us anything. Vice verse, of course. I am starting to believe that the part of us that suffers the most after a breakup, is the possessive part of us and our ego.

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When two people start a relationship, they have the unspoken mutual agreement of not cheating and being there one for another. In a way that is a condition for us to invite someone into our worlds and share it. When one of two sides steps out or invites a third party, the other one feels betrayed and her world starts crashing down. That is a wrong condition. Emotions are changeable and we do not control them. Of course, I am not saying that that gives anyone a permission to cheat (if you start developing feelings or sexual desire towards someone else, your partner has the right to know), but it means that you can’t build a relationship on that kind of foundation. No one owes you anything. No one should stay in a relationship just because you were giving them love and a part of you that you don’t show to everyone. We should always be aware that everything in this life is temporary, including love. Someone can say that real love lasts forever, but again, that is a shaky ground. It may be a forever kind of love for one person, but not for the other. It’s out of our control and that’s why promising forever is only a condition for heartbreaks and disappointments.

Everyone can leave. Everything can end. Future is unclear for everyone and you can’t be sure about how will you feel in 10 days, imagine 10 years. And that is your right. Nothing is granted and there are million reasons and factors why a person or a relationship can change and end. All we really have is now. It doesn’t mean that we should hold back because it might end tomorrow. It means that we should live it fully till it lasts and that’s the real worth of every relationship. Imagine if you knew that your significant other will love you until you die no matter what you do and how you look. Would you really appreciate it that much? Do we really care that much when we are sure that we can’t lose something? I believe not. We stop working on it without even noticing because we have that wrong expectation that it will be there tomorrow just like it was today.

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That’s one of the human imperfections and that’s exactly what makes belonging so important. We love to think that someone accepted us with all our flaws and that it goes so far, that we are so special to that person, that they want us to belong to them. Once we lose that sense of belonging, when ’’forever’’ turns’’ into ’’over’’, our ego falls into crisis and we tend to obsess over the person who’s gone much more than we should.

Remember, you don't get to own a person and no one can own you. We, as humans, belong only to ourselves and that's the only forever. Well, at least until we die.