Okay, let’s start from the beginning. I CARE about what people think, not just a little bit where I’m curious to see how people view; more like every decision I make is based on what others think of me and what I should do. It’s annoying, it’s a pain in the you know what and honestly, I wish I didn’t care at ALL, but I’ve tried and no matter what my life is controlled by others without them knowing.

I’ve come to the realisation that I’m paranoid twenty-four seven and I have this habit of feeling insecure when people are talking but my mind has conjured this unbelievably stupid fact that everyone is talking about me, and NOT the good type.
Lately I’ve been trying to focus hard on my studies because my GCSEs are coming this May and failing the exams will damper my whole education as I would have to spend an extra year in my A levels which is good.

(GCSEs – tests on Maths, English, science and your chosen subject in year 11, when 15/16, to determine if we can move on to A levels.
A level – done after GCSEs on chosen ¾ subjects which will determine the university you go to.
Done in the United Kingdom, for anyone who doesn’t know)

However, my school ends up pressurising us about A level options and filing the application forma and show interview dates in November, which made me blow up on my family getting stressed as our exams determine what subjects we can and can’t do which is in May.

This has made me feel unorganised and have mental breakdowns getting stressed about failing and on result day get emotional, to top it off I have a crush in school and another one outside but the one in school literally doesn’t know I exist which just breaks my heart into pieces because we are literally in the same lesson every day for 5 hours and the only time he speaks to me is when I accidentally bump into him and he says sorry. What a lovely life to live but I just feel like everyone hates me and I feel depressed because at the end of the day I’m all alone and no one cares if I’m okay or not.

And I have realised that people do have worse than me and I should appreciate what I have and I’m trying to help myself become better version of myself where I shouldn’t wallow in self-pity where more than a million are suffering with real problems that I probably wouldn’t survive.

So, the point of this stupid rant is I hate myself for caring too much about what others think of me and base my life decisions on people who don’t know me because society sucks, and I wish it would change however I know there a people who are poison trying to slowly kill anything you have that you are proud of. And that I’m here if anyone want to talk about their problems or just talk in problem because I want to get to know people from different cultures and someone I can count on to listen and will believe that I will listen to them and care about what they say.

Send me a postcard or message me and we can help each other through our problem.