all I have is this shirt, that you let me wear home. I was so cold and my tears felt like an ocean drowning me. but you were there. smelling like cinnamon and that cologne you use that I love. you knew what I needed, and you gave it to me. I was so warm in your arms, your eyes wrapping me in a blanket of love and happiness.
and when we would get out of the pool you would see how tired I was. you always gave me some food. and when I would get dizzy you helped make sure I was breathing right.
and when I would get confused in art because I couldn't see some of the colours right you would help me. and when I felt misplaced and awkward you would take the teacher aside and explain why I kept mixing the colours red and green up. or why I didn't answer ROYGBIV in the colour chart correctly.
when I was too scared to stick up for myself you were always there. holding me together.
you would get me a tissue when my nose would bleed.
you kept hair ties on your wrist for me when I saw the blood dripping and needed something to tie my hair back because the sight of it made me sick
so now you have to take care of yourself, at least that's what I'm convincing myself for a reason to why you left.
you taught me how to be brave, and even though it has been over a year I still have trouble answering questions in class, when my friends put me down, I don't have you there smiling, encouraging me to finish my sentence.
when everything is crashing down on me like a wave and I can not breathe, brushing off my tears and you aren't there.
you always told me that I needed to push people away and to not be too dependent on others because people change. so I'm sorry that when you said to duck from the bullet I didn't listen because you were pulling the trigger,
and I being the idiot and naive person, I am refused to believe you would leave
so a year today I have this shirt
it doesn't smell like you
but I remember the time it did,
the memories we had
because those never change
even when the people do