''You make me feel alive’’, you said. You made me feel alive, too. You brought me back to life. When I thought no one will ever love me again, when I thought I will never trust again, it happened.

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And I let myself feel. You used to say that I am holding back, that I am sabotaging myself. I did. Because I was hurt so many times before and I knew how we will end, but anyway, I opened up to you. I let you become every part of my life. You met my friends, you’ve been to my college, you’ve slept in my room, I told you all my secrets and beliefs. I took you to all the favorite spots and streets in my city. All of that and I knew that soon, you will leave. I have shown you a world you never knew before, I showed what it’s like to be loved that much. You didn’t love yourself, you were obsessed with your flaws, but I loved them all and I was never afraid to let you know how much I love you, to let you know that you are beautiful to me. Sometimes I feel regret. I gave you too much, by loving you, I made a better version of you. What for? So you would just stop talking to me?

I remember when you told me that we will stay together even after you leave. You promised. We cried together. But all along, you knew that you are not capable of fighting the distance. I was ready to wait for the moment we’ll be together. But you were too afraid of loving that much and being apart. I remember that when you were leaving for your country, you said that you didn’t want to buy me or write me anything because we will be together again, in April. And I decided to give you my gift when we meet again. Well, hopes and plans left and buried in dust. April never came for us. You didn’t even have the courage to tell me in my face that you can’t fight for that, that you can’t live in that kind of uncertainty. And I was such a fool, I forgave you and I accepted your f*cking offer of being friends. I never did that before. For me, the breakup was always equal ''erase him from your memory and life forever’’. But I tried because I believed that you are worth it, that we had a connection that shouldn’t be deleted and that we can be friends. You told me that you could never forget me and erase me the way I wanted to erase you.

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I know what happened. I was always there for you when you were in my country. I guided you through everything, I was there to help you, to tell you that you are good enough, that you are special, that you are loved. You needed that reassurance and safety, you were only using me those months, while paradoxically, you were forgetting me. When you were ready, when you found another girlfriend or whatever, you just stopped talking to me. You are acting like I never existed, like we never shared anything and like I didn’t give my world to you on a plate! I was more than a friend and girlfriend to you, but you were so selfish, that you simply cut me off! I gave you that opportunity even before you left my country, but you were too much of a coward to go through all of that alone! You never loved me. Never. You don’t hurt intentionally someone you love. And that’s exactly what you did. From the very beginning, you only cared for yourself. And by doing what you did, you destroyed every good memory, you tainted it, you ruined everything! It’s been three months since we last spoke and you left such rage and hate in me. No traces of love that I wanted to keep. If I could see you for one last time, I would hit you, punch you, scream at your face! I would tell you that you don’t deserve love, that you never deserved me! And I really hope that you will never meet again someone like me. Not one inch of you deserves to be loved like that again. And no girl in this world deserves someone who will only use her feelings to heal his wounds and inferiority complexes.

I know that you might be reading this. And you know that I was never afraid to tell you what I feel about you. I even told you once that you have disappointed me and that you are a coward. Well, be aware that that will be my last opinion and feel about you. You should feel ashamed of that. You lost someone who loved you more then she thought she’s capable of, and at the end, with your behavior, you twisted that love into something ugly and dark. With that, you have undone everything beautiful we had, but not many people have that ability. So, at the end, bravo. Bravo for deleting our love.

Image by FigmentOfYourImagination Image by FigmentOfYourImagination

This is what happens if you ever get to love a coward.