It's hard.

It's had not to tell the people you're closest to, just because you don't want them to worry about you again.
It's hard focusing.
It's hard being happy like you've been for a long time, and it's hard because you don't want to lose it all like last time.

It's like it's even harder this time, because you know what it's like. You know what it is you're about to go through again, and even just the thought of it, makes you wanna end it all right now.