so it's currently 12:39 right now and i am just in the mood to write. i don't know what and i am not going back to change anything so apologies for all the typos in advance. i am quite ocd so i am generally concerned that i won't be happy with this article as these are just the words flowing from my brain and my fingers bringing them to this page that you are reading. im also worried about the amount of reads/likes this will get. and i feel like this is a problem nowadays because most if not everyone i know cares somewhat about how they're portrayed online. i mean i didn't even post on instgram until recently after like a 7 month gap because i was so afraid i would get as many likes as my friends. i eventually posted and get the amount of like which i feel pleases me. it kind of annoys me that we are so superficial. how can we care more about our online friends than our real companions and family. i love my family and sometimes i know that i should treat them better. i am not nearly as bad as some of my friends tho, they are awful to their parents. i am not rude i just get a little grumpy and as I'm an only child i sometimes slightly lash out. it's not as bad as you are probably thinking and they aren't perfect either. they do have their faults. i am going to new york in a couple of days and I'm so excited. i went about 5 years ago and my sense of style was appalling. i am kind of excited to wear some nice clothes and visit a city i wished i lived in. unfortunately i won't feel 'pretty' or 'skinny' enough to take photos of myself. i have never been the pretty one but i do have a lot of friends that i am thankful for because i know that not everyone is in that position. its just hard sometimes always comparing yourself to others and wishing you knew how to photoshop so you could edit your photos. and i know everyone does it but i am so afraid of posting an edited picture that people will know and that's worse. i guess i just hate the world sometimes, this cruel world takes lives and also ruins them. i just dont know how to explain anything and i do believe in god but there is always a 'what if?. its know 12:51 and i think i am going to go to bed. i enjoyed expressing my feelings and if you enjoyed reading this thank you for taking the time and perhaps you should write your feelings down too. if just have a notification that im low on battery so goodnight gorgeous xo