Day 3 : describe your relationship with your parents

where should i start?
it used to be, for 18 years of my life, an almost-perfect fairytale. to describe what my family used to be like, just picture the families in movies : a mom and a dad who fell in love with each others when they were 18 years old; two children, a boy and a girl who get along pretty well; a dog and a cat; a family living in a beautiful house with a spacious garden. perfect picture, right? of course, we had our ups and downs, our stupid fights, but we were a happy family.

at least i forced myself to believe it.

i heard things i wasn't supposed to hear, i noticed things they were trying to cover. and the silence settled down in our home weeks after weeks. silence settled down to the point i was the only one talking. Dad came home every weekend. time passed and he stopped kissing Mom when he passed the door. he stopped talking about his week, he was grumpier and grumpier every week. and i knew. i knew that my parents weren't in love anymore. i knew for the longest time. but i pushed this thought at the back of my head. and i acted like everything was fine. how could i talk about my parents' fights to my friends? Their parents are already divorced, and i'm 18 years old, i souldn't be this upset.

and one day, it finally happened. my father knocked on my bedroom's door, tears in his eyes "i have to tell you something". and i just knew. we sat on my bed, and i cried as he announced me he was leaving. i knew, and yet my heart broke in a million pieces. i don't think this sadness was due to the destruction of this mirage i had created for myself, i think it was caused by the suffering that both of my parents went through. "please, don't reject me" he was begging. and i hugged him. how could i hate him? how could i reject him, simply because he wasn't in love with my mother anymore? it happens, you don't control those kind of things. and i wish i had said this to him, but i didn't. the words just didn't come out.

all of this backstory to say that i don't know how my relationship with my mom and my dad will evolve with time. how can i spend time with one without hurting the other? how will i manage to preserve those two relationships? on the one hand, my mother with whom i live who didn't choose to split up with my dad. on the other hand, my father, the person i am the most alike, the one who always did everything for me even when it costs him so much but the man who also left mu mom. the parents i have never been able to say i love you to, not because i don't think it but because i simply can't say it ...

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this is a complicated topic, and an even more complicated answer. to summarize, i always got along with my parents. but the situation has changed so much over the last weeks that i have no idea where we are going. and i hate the feeling, i fear the unknown. but if you're going through the same thing, you're not alone and we will survive that. promise.

see you tomorrow for day 4 of this challenge

NINA ♡