Today was a terrible day. I woke up, and lost my best friend.
Brandon, after everything we’ve been through… after the arguments and fights, after us dating, after our break up, after how many times you told me you had loved me, and after every time I had said the same, after all the times I’d almost died, after promising that we’d always be friends no matter what, after making up after every fight closer than ever… you left. You promised me that you wouldn’t leave me like everyone else. You promised me that you wouldn’t hurt me like everyone else. You promised that no matter what, we’d always be friends… Always.
The worst part was that I truly believed you. I think the nights have been the worst time for my suffering since you’ve gone. Because I stay up late at night, not being able to stop thinking about you. Not being able to stop wondering if you’ll come back like we always did after every fight. Like you promised. But you won’t… because this time, it was different.
You had told me that it was Jada, your new girlfriend who was why you were leaving me… but that wasn’t true…you just wanted an excuse to leave… it wasn’t Jada… you chose to leave on your own accord… why?
I’ll never know. Perhaps it was because I wasn’t important enough, or perhaps it was my fault for not giving you more attention, maybe you just didn’t care for me anymore, perhaps this was payback for our breakup, or perhaps you never liked me at all. Maybe it was all an act.
I miss you already you know… I miss all of our promises. I miss the relief of us making up after an argument. I miss our stupid fights about me supporting gays and you being against them. I miss texting you about the small things that made me happy for no reason. Or texting you about the big things going on in my love life. I miss you being so overly protective when I would tell you about someone I like, you always thought I deserved better. Though I’ll never know why. I miss when we would hang out at the mall. I miss our inside jokes that no one else will ever understand. I miss our late night conversations where I could vent everything to you, and tell you every little thought running through my mind. I miss you Brandon. But.
I need to stop believing people when they say they love me. When they say they’ll stay. Or when they say they care about me. I love you Brandon. I don’t know why you left me. I don’t know why you broke our promise. But I still care about you. Because I meant every word I’ve ever said to you. I truly did. You were my best friend. And. You left. But that’s okay. I wasn’t good enough, I shouldn’t have expected you to stay for someone as pathetic, and worthless as me. I’m sorry.
I hope your life with Jada is as perfect as you deserve.
It makes me cry to say this but,
I guess…
I have to say it…

I love you Brandon, you will forever and always be my best friend…