I can't do this anymore. I can't try to block out the thoughts because they're always gonna come back. I can't be beautiful, or worth something to someone, or loved. I'm sick and tired of pretending to be something I'm not. Happy. Yes, there are a few moments where I'm gonna smile, but its not permanent. I'm sitting between 2 people right now who don't even know HALF of what's going on with me. But they won't ask me why I'm crying in the next 5 minutes. Or the next 5 hours. Or the next 5 years. If they do, I just do the usual. Wipe my eyes and smile and pretend everything's okay. Even though I want to tell them why, I can't. I just don't know how. Even if I did, I don't know if they'd even care. Actually, yes I do. They wouldn't. And I can't make them care. I don't want to. I want someone to GENUINELY cares about me. I'm sorry for all the depressing articles, but I still haven't found my notebook and I'm going to explode if I don't at least type something.