I am trying so hard not to lose my shit. Sometimes when I am around people, I feel small and defenseless. I feel jealous of people who are able to converse with anyone.

I see myself as a very closed person. I can't seem to open up to people. I am weird. When people tried to get close to me, I refused. Because I don't like myself. I dont hate myself. I know I don't. But i just dislike myself at times.

I wish that I could just...... be more open and happy.

I wish that I would much braver than before.

I wish for a lot of things but it seems like this is not my time.

Maybe tomorrow will be another day, and I will try again to open up myself.