Finally this week is over! It was one of the hardest weeks I have had in the past month! I have been feeling so depressed and I don’t know why. At first I thought It was because of my hormones, but the drepression was increasing day after day. Yesterday I was really really sad I cried most part of the day. Even though I had to work, I couldn’t distract my mind. In fact I feel my mind is torturing me! And I feel really desperate. After work I met my best friend and we went to the salon. We spend a couple of hours doing our hair and getting facial masks, then we went for some drinks and we had a deep conversation, I told her about my suicide attempt and I told her about how I was feeling, she was kinda up set and that makes me feel bad because I’m really trying to get my shit together. I’m going to see a doctor to do something about my depression and anxiety. I have been suffering from anxiety for several years now, it has improve a bit, but it still being a problem in my daily life specially now that I’m dealing with this situation. I tried to explain my friend what anxiety was, but she couldn’t understand and again she was kind mean about it. Even though most part of my emotional problems are because of my break up, not everything is because of it, not everything I feel and I suffer is because of that or because of him. She recommended me to try yoga and meditation instead of going to a psychiatrist but I prefer to try the hardest option first because I don’t want this to ruin my life. I’m to young to be depressed and I don’t wanna feel this anymore. I think that maybe Loki did what he does best and instead of fuck him up he fucked me up! And that happen when you play with a crazy God!

After the drinks we went to party with my friend and some friends of her. The party was good but I got massive drunk, even more than the last time I did it. That made everything worst because my mind torture me even more and I cried a lot, I text a lot of people and was so emberresed I text the other guy I had feelings for and told him he broke my heart too and then blocked him again, I actually just let him out of my life for good.

I really hope this week will get better because I don’t know what to do anymore and I don’t wanna talk about my feelings anymore and I don’t wanna have feelings or emotions anymore. I really need something to be better even if that means I need therapy or anti depressive, and that really sucks because I never thought my life will be like this, and I was feeling proud of myself because I was doing well and getting my shit together. I know I can’t let my feelings stop me from getting a better life, and I’m trying really hard, but I feel alone and I feel all my friends are tired of my situation and to deal with me and my problems, I understand them, it’s not fair because I always deal with their problems and help them as much as possible, but I guess that’s how life is and I have to learn to deal with my life alone and ask for professional help. Unfortunately my parents can’t know about this because if they do they are going to make all the situation about them, and it’s not about them is about me. My life is about me and no one else and I just wanna leave and be alone, in this moment I don’t wanna be with anyone I need to be completely alone.

<3 L