Then was then, now is now, things change.

What if everything changes? Then I guess I have to change too.

If I don't change, then I will be left alone. Completely alone.

Why am I afraid of being alone?

Do I hate loneliness more than betrayal?

Am I a parasite? Do I need others in order to Survive?

Are we all afraid of being alone? Is this instinct?

Are we born to be afraid of walking alone, without someone to comfort us?
- I would have thought that since we have progressed so much as a species we would not have such issues- Wait.

Is it an Issue? Why do I find it to be an issue? What is wrong with me?

Do I hate being dependent on someone who is not as dependent on me?
- Yes, very much so.

- Because it means that only I need them, and they don't need me. Suggesting that at some point they will leave me behind, and everything will change.

And things often change faster than what we hope.

Nothing is actually wrong with me, I'm human. This "inside of my head" discussion is caused by a triggering of my fear, which if it isn't obvious yet, is the fear of being abandoned. I know why I am afraid of this, you don't need to know.

The point is that, this is a time in my life where things have reached a peak and now are starting to collapse. The signs are small and delicate, but still there.

Why am I so pessimistic?

Is it pessimism if I've experienced enough to persuade me that this is realism?